Research Confirms: People who Hate Reading are Smarter

We’ve all been told throughout our lives that reading is good for us. There has been research that has shown that reading has positive effects on our brains, our health, and our lives overall. From a young age, we are encouraged to read books, not only for education, but also for entertainment. Well, if you’re one of the many millions of people who hate to read, a new study has shown that people who hate to read are actually geniuses.
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The Research

Dr. Gerard Makaloveski, from the Universtiy of Bakerstown in Daytona, Florida, has confirmed that people who have a strong aversion to reading in any form other than Twitter feeds are actually smarter than people who read an average of one book a week, based on the results of their IQ test. Dr. Makeloveski’s research team, which consisted of several of his “bros”, interviewed 24 study participants based on their like or dislike of reading, and then gave them a basic IQ test – that was apparently compiled by his research team. The study participants were, for the most part, just people they found walking around the particular area of the beach where Makaloveski’s team chooses to congregate, listen to Nickleback albums, and drink warm domestic beer.
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The Results

Their findings showed that the more people disliked reading, the better they did on the IQ test. According to Dr. Makaloveski, “Dude…those nerds that were all into books and stuff didn’t even know the name of the latest Kanye album. They were all, ‘who is Kanye?’ and I was like, ‘your a nerd’.” The research team wrote in their abstract for the study, “So, we think that people who are all brainy and nerdy are dumb. Like, they don’t even know who the starting third baseman for the Devil Rays is, and uh…they don’t even lift, bruh.” The research team also cited several examples of other studies on similar topics by stating, “Dude, like, other people have done this same thing and found out the same stuff. My cousin Jerry met this dude in jail that was always reading and stuff and Jerry said that dude was a total nerd.” Makaloveski furthered his point by saying, “if you disagree with our findings, remember one thing: The wise and all-knowing Kanye West once said ‘sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed. I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph. I am a proud non-reader of books.’ If Kanye doesn’t read, why should anyone?”

Continuing the Research

Dr. Makaloveski’s team has said that although their findings are in the preliminary stages, they feel that the results are going to be the same as they move to larger, more diversified study groups. According to an interview with Makaloveski, “yeah bro, we are going to this killer house party later, and we are gonna ask the people there the same questions. I totally bet you it’ll be the same there too, the people that like to read will be all nerdy and dumb. I bet they have less than 200 friends on facebook and less than 100 bathroom selfies on Instagram. Nerds.”
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In response to Makaloveski’s research, just about every person unfortunate enough to stumble upon his nonsense has come out and said that his findings are not only completely incorrect in every imaginable way but that his status as a doctor is based on him having his learner’s permit from the Tijuana School of Dentistry. Based on these conclusions, many experts have recommended that no one ever read anything that Makaloveski’s team produces, ever.

Oh Yeah, Happy April Fool’s day from all of us here at I Heart Intelligence.

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