“Gaslighting”: One of the Most Dangerous Forms of Mental Manipulation We All Deal With

The universe can be a funny place sometimes. I’ve been doing a lot of research about a form of mental abuse that a lot of us are not only susceptible to, but actually deal with every single day. It is one of those things that we don’t even realize is happening to us, we just see the results: self-doubt, diminished self-esteem, and reduced self-worth. The world has a way of beating even the best of us down from time to time but this specific form of manipulation is one that can be identified and removed from our day-to-day existence.
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Planted Seeds of Doubt

Back in 1938, there was a play called “Gas Light” that was later adapted into a movie in 1944. In the story, a husband works diligently to convince his wife and their acquaintances that she is insane by making very small and subtle changes to their environment. When the wife would point out the changes, the husband convinced her that she was wrong about the changes and that she was crazy. Slowly but surely, the wife starts to give in to the self-doubt created by those subtle changes, namely a gas lamp that the husband keeps dimming, hence the term “gaslighting”.
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Our Perception is Our Reality

In the play, the key was the husband’s ability to alter the wife’s perception of reality. She saw the lamp as being dimmer and the husband assures her that it is not. He made he doubt her perception, and therefore her reality. It is a form of mental abuse that people too often don’t even realize what is happening to them. For the perpetrator, the ability to control the victim’s own perceptions of themselves and the things around them allows them to control the victim themselves. In reality, it happens every single day. It’s all around us. How many advertisements do you see that claim that using their product will somehow enhance your life? That’s a mild form of gaslighting. You are made to think that some aspect of you or your life is incomplete. You are made to DOUBT yourself. Further, you are made to think that whatever product is being peddled is the solution to what is supposedly lacking in your life.

Gaslighting in our Lives

The specific situation that inspired this article involved one of the most beautiful and amazing women I have ever known dealing with a break up from a man that never deserved to be with her in the first place. I explained to her that there are people in our lives who will try to break us down to be on their level . So, what is the answer to gaslighting?

Maintaining your own reality through your own perceptions.

I’ll tell you now, the same thing I told her:
You see, my friend, there are people in this world who will look at a unicorn and think to themselves, “woah, that is a unicorn, which is something I will never be.” They will try to convince you, the unicorn, that you are just an average horse like them with a weird growth on your head that you should probably get checked out by some kind of medical professional that deals with head growths. They will try to steal your magic and make you as dull and ordinary as the plain, old horses that they are. Because they need you to be a plain, old horse like they are, just to bring you down to their level…
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As we’ve established: you are not just a plain,old horse. You are not a fast race horse. You aren’t even one of those fancy British horses that those chicks in those hot pant/knee-high boot getups use to jump over stuff…

You are a Unicorn. Despite what anyone else says. You are one in 7.4 billion, and that is a beautiful thing.

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Unplug Your Kids: Why Tech-Free Time Is So Important For Adolescents

In an increasingly-connected world, it can be difficult to get young adults to understand the benefits of disconnecting from time to time. Research has shown, however, in multiple studies across a variety of populations accounting for a number of variables, that unplugging is essential to the healthy growth and development of adolescents. Here’s why
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Disconnecting Actually Reconnects

Research shows that disconnecting from smartphones, tablets and other technological means of connecting increases real connections in the physical world. When kids aren’t distracted by the screen in their hands, they are more likely to notice and participate in their surroundings. This encourages the development of healthy social skills.

Furthermore, studies suggest that when kids spend time in nature, they are more likely to socialize and create connections between other people. Nature-specific group walks have proven an excellent means of teaching teenagers typically plugged into the electronic world the importance of making unplugging a priority.

Developing Time Management Skills

For adolescents, developing effective time management skills is essential to success: academic and extracurricular success during school, and the groundwork for successful career skills. Time management and prioritization are skills essential in every career path. Research shows that kids who learn these skills in adolescence are more likely to implement them as adults.

While technology is incredibly important in our ever-connected world, knowing when to shut it off is just as important as knowing how to use it effectively. It’s a near-certainty that your employer will make the tech you need to do your job well available to you, but it’s up to you to determine when to use it and when to shut it down. Certainly, tech as a workplace distraction is also a well-studied problem. Effective time management skills help to curb this.
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Getting Better Sleep

High-quality sleep is essential at every stage of life, but for the developing adolescent mind it is especially crucial. Study after study has shown the effects of blue light on circadian rhythms and sleep deprivation. Additionally, exposure to electronics may interfere with the nervous system, adding another layer of problems to falling and staying asleep.

Tried-and-true methods such as no electronics an hour or so before bedtime, establishment of a standard bedtime routine, and having a fairly dark, quiet place to sleep are important environmental factors that also contribute to kids getting better sleep. Having electronics in the bedroom can impact their effectiveness.

Impacts on Creativity, Productivity, and the Body

The effects of technology on creativity and productivity have been well-studied in adolescents. Research published by The Wilderness Society has shown that time spent outdoors, away from technology, helps boost creativity as well as strengthen efficiency at work. “[I]nteracting with nature has real, measurable benefits to creative problem-solving that really hadn’t been formally demonstrated before,” says David Strayer, who co-authored the study.
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Electronics also take a physical toll. Problems such as “tech neck” are especially harmful to developing adolescents. Heavy use of smartphones have pronounced physical impacts on the human body, and these effects are compounded in adolescents.

In Conclusion

The important take-away here is that banning the use of technology isn’t particularly effective: your child will likely just rebel, or become -understandably- angry if you remove their main form of communication. Not to mention that if you use your smartphone as much as most users, you look terrifically hypocritical. It does give you a great opportunity, however, to help your child learn time-management techniques and open them up to the gorgeousness of the natural world, simply by choosing to tune out the technological one.

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Yes, You CAN Trust Your Intuition

We are born instinctual, where our impulse to act is informed by our body. Faced with danger, we experience a discharge from the sympathetic nervous system. Our heart rate and breathing increase, muscles contract, and the choice of “fight or flight” is clear. We are biologically equipped with this amazing inner radar. Did you know that in addition to instinct, your intuition, can be accessed, honed, and trusted as one more super power?  Think of it as a way to “consider”, an inner knowing created by your life’s experiences, beliefs and memories. Your “gut feeling” about walking down one street instead of another, not taking a certain job, or not leaving your car with a certain mechanic is a mindless process. It doesn’t require analysis. You have a strong feeling, you trust it, and it pays off.
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Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung is credited with the first identification of an “intuition dimension” to personality, a means to access unconscious experience. More recent work by Carina Remmers and her colleagues at the University of Hildesheim clarifies a connection between intuition and mindfulness, being more present in this moment. Turns out, the value of intuition is when we make decisions within a time crunch, under stress or facing a problem that is complex. However, intuition is most accessible when we’re in a positive mood.  In a funk, that window to access your intuitive self is shut.

The most important element to cultivate reliable intuition is expertise. Research points to about 10 years, with a lot of repetition and feedback, to develop domain-specific expertise. In addition, we learn subconsciously, so simple exposure to the same environment over the years also hones our intuition. We soak up and fortify an inner knowing that is reliable when a snap decision is required.
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Intuition affords us the knack to understand something immediately. We’ve learned to hear between the lines of what’s being said and trust our inner voice. Judith Orloff,M.D., professor of psychiatry at UCLA considers this “non linear knowledge, a second kind of intelligence”.  At a time when many of us are bombarded with too many tasks and too little time, it makes sense to strengthen our potent inner guide. Thankfully, some physicians now inform patient care with their experience and intuition.

Here are four proven practices :

Listen to your gut

Your digestive tract actually sends signals when you’re faced with decisions. Quiet yourself and hold the intention to listen with your mind and your stomach.

Notice your energy levels

Certain people fortify us, and others, well, can suck the life out us. Pay attention to your inner reserves and ebb/flow of energy in the presence of others.
What Level Of Intuition Do You Have?

Capture “Ah Ha!” moments

When a flash of insight happens, write it down! You’re on a long drive, suddenly an idea or person comes to mind, the ideal solution to some challenge..take action!

Daily Meditation

Like brushing teeth, make meditation part of your daily routine. There simply is, no downside.

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Stop Living for Tomorrow : Embrace Today!

I am a planner. I map out my appointments, play dates, deadlines, and nights out in my calendar, and set vacation iteneraties well in advance. I know where my toddler will be going to kindergarten, and he is already on the waiting list. I even know what I’m cooking for dinner this week, and have my grocery list ready to go.
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Thinking about the future keeps my stress levels manageable and my attendance reliably punctual. However, always keeping an eye toward tomorrow can sometimes keep me from being fully immersed in the current moment. That’s why I make an effort to practice mindfulness, or the state of active, open attention to the present. After all, what good is all that planning if I don’t stop to soak in the end result?

Below are some pitfalls to be on the lookout for when you find yourself focusing too much on the future:

Refuse to fall victim to when/then thinking.

“When I find a better job, then I’ll be more secure and confident,” you may say to yourself. “When I have another child, then I’ll feel happy and fulfilled.” This kind of thinking postpones your happiness based on external circumstances that are not under your control. True happiness and fulfillment can, and should, be created in any situation. Rather than looking for a sense of security in a higher paying position, find confidence in the job you have today, and pride in the person you are right now. Rather than waiting for another child to feel fulfilled, look for contentment in the life you already have. There will always be another goal to work towards, but this moment in time will disappear before you know it.

Remember that it’s impossible to enjoy the present and obsess over the future at the same time.

There is a fine line between helpful planning and useless obsession. It may be tempting to spend every moment you are in your beat up old car thinking about the gorgeous new SUV you are saving up for – but who’s to say you won’t miss playing road trip games with your kids once they have in-car television to watch? If you look back to the life you had five years ago, you might be surprised at the things you miss now. I so looked forward to being a wife and mother, and I truly enjoy it today. However, I also wish I had taken more time to appreciate the peace and freedom that I had whileI was living alone. As the Joni Mitchell song Big Yellow Taxi goes, “you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.” Come to think of it, there are a lot of songs about this. Maybe we should listen.
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Don’t confuse planning with procrastinating.

Most of us have a million things that we want to do “someday“. Planning to do them at some undetermined time in the future, however, only gives us a false sense of accomplishment and complacency. Without action, that “someday” you are dreaming of is never going to come. Think of your most important “someday”. Someday I will write that book. Someday I will quit that job. Someday I will buy that plane ticket. Now change “someday” to the soonest realistic timeline – tomorrow, next summer, or 2025 (if you must) – and start taking steps to make it happen. Don’t let “someday” come and go without becoming the person that you want to be!

Everyone gets caught up in the future in their own way. A dreamer gets lost in imagining who her son will grow up to be. A realist worries about whether she will be able to pay for her daughter’s college education. Both fail to notice the children dancing along to a silly cell phone ringtone. Be the mindful one who not only notices, but embraces the moment and dances with them. These are the days you’ll want back when that “someday” finally comes.

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How to Let Go of Being “Right”

Are you always right? Can you come out on top in any argument, ace any debate, and sway any opinion? Does being proven wrong leave you red in the face, and cause you to feel ill at ease for the rest of the day? Although your persistence and single-mindedness probably come in handy much of the time, taking this mindset too far just might be harmful to your relationships, stress level, and overall sense of peace.
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Admitting defeat may feel unsettling at first, but learning to do so graciously may change your life. We often don’t notice the weightiness that the burden of needing to be right carries with it. Letting it go just might make you feel lighter, closer to others, and more in tune with the world around you.

For some, the need to win an argument is a game, and they find the challenge and sense of competition stimulating. Most of us have enjoyed a friendly debate at some point – my brother-in-law, a successful lawyer, thrives on them. There is nothing wrong with enjoying the mental challenge that can occur when we try to reconcile different opinions. We might even learn something about ourselves and our debate partner and end the exchange feeling closer to them.

However, for others, these arguments can become a contest of dominance. It is this approach that can be dangerous to your relationships and peace of mind. The difference between this mindset and the previous one is subtle, but important. The need to be right becomes problematic when it is contingent on the other person admitting defeat, and feeling defeated. Because this line is so easily crossed, we need to be careful to keep our compulsion to be right in check whenever possible.

The most beneficial way to do this is to accept the other person’s point of view. This is not the same as admitting that you are wrong – it is simply the act of validating and learning from the other person’s perspective. This demonstrates not only open-mindedness, but also self-confidence, intelligence, and compassion. Although this is a difficult skill to master, it can greatly heal any damage done should the argument become contentious.

Here are some tips to help you become more relaxed in your approach to your next argument:

1. Take baby steps.

If you are an “always right” type, there’s a good chance that you have held this mindset for a long time. Long-held habits are hard to change, especially for someone with a stubborn nature. Start by conceding small points, or simply telling your opponent that you understand why they feel the way they do. If even that seems too much, let them know that you had never considered that position and thank them for their input. Unless their opinion is truly offensive, you can likely learn something from their point of view.

2. Don’t try to change people.

Many people (perhaps yourself included) are just never going to let go of their long-held beliefs. It doesn’t matter how brilliant your argument, or how reliable your facts. Learn to recognize when this is the case, and move on. There is no sense in frustrating yourself trying to convince someone to abandon a position that is deeply ingrained in their heart.

3. Ask yourself: Would I rather be right or be kind?

As Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” In ten years, or even in ten minutes, what will the other person remember about your interaction? Chances are, they will forget how ingenious you were and how deftly you laid out your points. They’ll only remember feeling uncomfortable and small.

4. Concede where you can.

Most viewpoints, even if they seem profoundly wrong, have some sort of factual basis. Look for the smaller parts of your friend’s argument that you find reasonable, and present those as common ground. For example, although you may believe that a flat-tax system is unfair to the poor and harmful to our society, you might concede that your Republican friend’s tax contribution is indeed hefty and problematic.

5. Separate your opinion from your sense of self.

Realize that changing your viewpoint does not mean that anything fundamental about you changes with it. Being proven factually wrong does not mean that you are wrong as a human being. Be kind to yourself, and forgive yourself for your imperfections. Forgive others for theirs, too.

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Five Ways I Make My Husband Feel Loved

Maintaining a happy marriage is not easy. However, doing so can be one of the most rewarding and fulfilling accomplishments of a lifetime. According to the American Psychological Association, 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States eventually divorce. Even more troubling are those couples who remain married even though they are deeply unhappy. Below are five things that I do on a regular basis in order to ensure that my marriage stays happy and healthy, and my family remains intact.
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I cook for my husband.

I don’t do this because we live in a 1950’s marriage – in fact, in our home, my husband does most of the laundry and often helps with other chores. I cook because it is a tangible expression of my love for him that makes him feel valued, appreciated, and worth the effort it takes to put a meal together. If you are not a chef, there are other ways to accomplish this. Look to your own talents. You may give a great foot rub, play the guitar for him, or stir up a mean martini. The important thing is that it be sensual, since men are very physical creatures, and that it make him feel loved and cared for.

I say “thank you.”

This is a small and simple gesture, but it has a mighty impact. Aside from the significant health benefits of gratitude, expressing appreciation for your husband will boost his self-esteem and make him more likely to repeat the action in the future. There is a story often spread among teachers about a struggling student who accidentally got sent home with a good report card. The error caused him to raise his expectations of himself to match his new self-image, and his performance skyrocketed. In the same way, hearing your gratitude may cause your partner to see himself as a better husband, and rise to the challenge – giving you much more to thank him for.
5 Things About Love Everyone Should Know

I support his passions.

My husband is a marathon runner. I, however, cannot think of anything I would rather not do. I would seriously rather go through the process of giving birth again than run an actual marathon – and yet, there I am at the finish line, cheering him on. You don’t have to share your husband’s hobbies. I absolutely do not share his. You should, however, support them. The things that I am passionate about, such as writing, are a huge part of what make me who I am. When my husband supports me, I feel proud of myself and connected to him. I hope that I give him the same feeling.

I ask for his opinion.

If I have a decision to make, I often ask my husband for advice. He is insightful, intelligent, and wise, and asking for his input is a simple way to let him know that I see him this as such. Solving external problems together also helps us to practice working through issues as a team. These skills are crucial when faced with a problem within our marriage that needs to be solved.

I engage spiritually with my husband.

As Patrick Peyton once said, “the couple that prays together, stays together.” Although this sentiment, like the practice of cooking, may feel outdated, sharing your religious or spiritual beliefs can bond you very powerfully to one another. It is difficult to deeply understand someone’s mind and soul without discussing spiritual topics, and sharing these beliefs can help you to connect on an incredibly deep level. You don’t have to agree with him – but it is important to understand and respect his beliefs, and for him to understand and respect yours. My husband and I attend church services together, and know many happy couples that do the same.
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When my husband is happy, he is at his best self. When he is at his best self, our marriage and home are my favorite place to be. Investing time and energy in our marriage is one of the most worthwhile and satisfying things that I do, and I can see the results in our home, our child, and our hearts. You don’t have to be an old-fashioned housewife to make a marriage work. However, you do have to put a significant amount of time and effort into maintaining a loving connection.

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These New Stem Cell Treatments Will Blow Your Mind

It wasn’t that long ago that Stem Cell research was considered extremely taboo. It was a form of research that got a controversial reputation as it was developing, and it was a hard stigma to shake. No matter how amazing the results were. What most people didn’t realize at the time was that there are many forms of stem cell treatments that have been around for many years. For instance, bone marrow transplants for children with Leukemia is a treatment that involves taking stem cells from a donor and implanting them into a recipient. The amazing thing about stem cells is that they are the building blocks of every cell in your body. When they are implanted into tissue, they become the same kind of cell as the cells around them. I know that is a very basic analysis of how stem cells work, but the result doctors are getting using stem cell treatments are simply amazing.
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Fully Functional Heart Muscle

Researchers at the Massachusetts General Hospital Centre for Regenerative Medicine (CRM) have developed a new technique that could revolutionize heart transplants. The technique involves taking a heart that has been stripped of the original donor’s heart muscle cells and repopulated with the recipient’s induced pluripotent stem cells (iPSCs). Essentially by removing the donor cells that can trigger a rejection of the donor organ from the recipient’s immune system, these doctors can up the success rate of heart transplants by growing heart muscle tissue with the recipient’s own stem cells. According to researcher Jacques Guyette, the ultimate goal is even loftier than that: “Regenerating a whole heart is most certainly a long-term goal that is several years away, so we are currently working on engineering a functional myocardial patch that could replace cardiac tissue damaged due [to] a heart attack or heart failure.” The research, which was led by Dr. Harald Ott, was published in the journal Circulation Research. So far, the team has regenerated heart muscle tissue in 73 human hearts that were designated for medical research.

Stem Cells for Blindness

Dr. Jeffrey Weiss in Margate, Florida has treated over 270 patients with their own stem cells as a “cure” for blindness with a reported 60% success rate. Weiss isn’t part of any clinical trial, nor is he associated with an official university study. One of his patients, Vanna Belton, was diagnosed with a condition in which the optic nerve swells and eventually leads to blindness. Belton paid Weiss $20,000 dollars for his somewhat experimental procedure and is actually able to see again. Granted, she is still legally blind due to blind spots in her vision, but she is no longer completely blind like she was before the treatment.

Although several doctors are skeptical about Weiss’ treatment, the London Project to Cure Blindness began clinical trials last year involving a similar stem cell treatment. In their trial, they have treated 10 patients with an eye patch that is seeded with stem cells to treat age-related macular degeneration. The trail is on-going, but there is a lot of hope for the treatment and its uses for other ocular conditions.

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Love Life? How to live well to 100+

Who knew that today about 450 people worldwide are over the age of 110, and many more have reached 100?  No longer an anomaly,  over 50,000 in the U.S.  and 100,000 throughout the globe have celebrated a triple digit birthday! Our amazing aging neighbors are who we will become, and they have simple truths that ensure the test, or should I say, “best,” of time.
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Enjoy an active lifestyle, and a healthy sense of humor

Jeanne Louise Calment, the oldest recorded human, lived to 122 years (France, 1875-1997), took up fencing at 85 and rode a bicycle at 100. When asked what she expected of the future she replied “a very short one!”  Often infectious, laughter decreases stress, increases immune cells and triggers the release of endorphins, a potent cocktail of natural medicine.  Christiane Northrup, M.D.  describes aging as the  “chronic deterioration as we move through time”, with cumulative effects apparent later in life. However, it can begin as early as during our 20’s, when we move into sedentary lifestyles of sitting all day.  

Since this is optional, why not change that life script, and turn the biological clock back? Set your phone alarm hourly, push away from the desk,  take a brisk walk, have a mini dance party,  get jiggy.  And bring a good joke/cartoon/video clip to share over lunch.  When asked by his wife where he’d like to be buried, 100 year old Bob Hope replied, “Surprise me”, ending a life of comedy with the perfect punchline.
Unlocking the Secrets to a Longer Life

Adopt good eating habits, reduce stress

Interviews with 50 of the oldest living humans (100+) conducted by photographer Jerry Friedman

reveal common diets that are rich in fruits and vegetables and absent over-consumption, alcohol and drugs.  Despite credit of strong genetics as a 30%  predictor,  research conducted by Carl Eisdorpher, M.D., University of Miami Center on Aging,  also underscores a diet rich with healthy foods with little overeating, alcohol and drugs.  Far from a purist, I  do feel empowered when I eat mindfully, or dodge a sugar binge with an apple or banana .
Five Steps to a Happier, Less Fearful Life

Along with healthy eating, strong social networks comprised of family and friends can eliminate the stress factors of isolation, loneliness and depression.  Friendships increase self-confidence, self-worth, help us cope with loss or trauma, and encourage healthy choices. Our social and family communities validate our existence, our values and sense of purpose.  Within a community, support keeps us  optimistic,  and benefits from our contributions. And because our ability  to learn, practice and adapt optimizes the plasticity of our brains  centenarians share that learning not only keeps us young, it inspires joy.  

So, a diet of movement, laughter, good food, curiosity, and the kindness of love in friendship may pave our path through a century…sounds scrumptious!

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We Have 10X More Memory Than We Knew

Recent research co-authored by Kristin Harris, a professor of neuroscience at the University of Texas, Austin, unveiled a stunning increase in our brain’s memory capacity. By a cautious  factor of 10,  human memory’s new size  puts it in the same ballpark as the World Wide Web.
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Awash in a sea of chemical and electrical patterns, in our cerebral cortex’s medial temporal lobe, sits the hippocampus, a seahorse shaped structure credited with memory recall and recognition. Though synapses are still something of a mystery, it seems that the memory capacity of neurons depends on synapse size. Hippocampal neurons function with low energy but high computation power.  Discovery of our increased memory occurred with study of a volume of hippocampus the size of a single red blood cell!   It seems that  far greater activity occurs within the function of these “memory” synapses.

Ultimately, this will help engineers build more powerful computers that are also energy efficient.

The Human Brain Project includes goals of “Brain Inspired Computing and Robotics” and “Interactive Supercomputing”,  techniques  capable of sophisticated learning and analysis, speech and object recognition and translation. All the offshoot of human brain analysis.
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This  opens a means of creating “neuromorphic” computing systems that use unique brain traits, energy efficiencies, and the ability to learn. Our brain is amazingly efficient, using only 20 watts of continuous power, like a dim bulb. Further knowledge of hippocampal synapse function can be built into the design of computers that also rely on deep learning.

Of course, optimal organic conditions don’t always translate well into my own recall experiences, as in “What’s the word for that…?”   Familiar?  Turns out,  stress and distractions are serious memory compromises.  Many false confessions are common under duress. Poor sleep hampers memory . Even the act of taking a snapshot compromises our ability to recall that event.  So, for this writer,  until engineers can implant a more energy efficient memory chip,  size really doesn’t matter.

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3 Things the Creative Mind Should Stop Expecting from the World

One of the hardest things for me in life has been accepting the fact that my mind doesn’t work like everyone else’s. For the people who really know me, they know that is an understatement of epic proportions. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my brain is just wired differently. As someone with a creative mind, you’ll understand what I am talking about. The creative mind can be one of the most chaotic and beautiful things you can imagine. I spent a dozen years in an industry that allowed for little to no creativity, and now that I have embraced my creative nature I find myself frustrated with other people who don’t understand what it is like to have a wild, free-flowing, creative mind. Feeling misunderstood in any sense can be ultra-frustrating. I’ve come to the conclusion that there are just some things that I need to quit expecting from the world when it comes to the way my brain works. If you consider yourself a creative mind like I do, this is a list of things that you should just stop expecting from the world. Embrace your creativity and let the rest of the world stand around and cock their eyebrows at you.
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People to “Get” You

One thing that bugs me the most about embracing my creativity is when people don’t understand the way my brain works. I used to push people away because I thought they just didn’t “get” me. Well, the problem with that mentality is the fact that I don’t get them either. We are all different, and that’s okay. I used to try to explain myself to people and finally just got to the point where I say, “that’s just the way my brain works.” No more explanation. No excuses. Just me being me, and being okay with that. Just like I can’t understand how someone can be an accountant because I don’t like math, I can’t hold it against them for not understanding my creative mind because they don’t feel the same way.

Understanding the Creative Process

One thing I learned early on in writing for a living was that I definitely have a “creative process”. There are days that I stare at my keyboard for hours and can’t manage to string three words together. There are days that I write 3000 words before I realized that my hands have even moved. People don’t understand that it is just that: a process. If you happen to be the one creative person in an office of workers, you know this struggle all too well. A creative mind has to be in the right mindset to create. I know that sounds redundant, but it’s true. You mix in things like stress and worry, and it can completely derail the creative process. We can’t expect people to understand how our brains work but we can at least be honest about it. If there are things on your mind that keep you from doing what it is that you do when you are creative, address those issues first.
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Validation

One thing I’ve really had to deal with in working in a creative environment is that the results aren’t always tangible. I can pour my heart and soul into something and not see results. When I was working in the IT industry, there was constant validation by being able to fix something that was broken. When it comes to creating something you don’t always see that instant validation. Sure, I can see how many people have read something, or how many likes a post gets on Facebook, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve actually made a connection with anyone. It could mean they like the title or the picture and didn’t even read the article. The same goes for musicians and other artists: art is subjective. The important thing is that YOU are proud of what you produce. YOU are the only person you need to impress with your work.

In the end, I’ll never regret embracing my creative mind – and neither should you. Yes, it can be a difficult transition to make. People aren’t going to understand some of the things you do, but if it feels right in your heart that is all that matters. This is your life. Live it.

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Science Explains Why People Who Love Writing Are Smarter

It isn’t often you discover, as a writer, that what you do professionally has intelligence-boosting benefits. Everyone assumes that folks in STEM professions are smart; those of us who trend more towards arts and humanities don’t receive the same treatment by a long shot. So when there’s this study and this study and this article that all show that people who write are smarter, well…
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Writers Are More Emotionally Intelligent

Writers are highly motivated, empathetic, capable of self-regulation, highly self-aware and have superior social skills: all hallmarks of people who are highly emotionally intelligent. Emotional intelligence exploded onto the scene as a much more accurate indicator of overall intelligence than IQ in the mid-nineties. People with higher levels of emotional intelligence -the ability to understand, identify and assess their own emotions as well as others- tend to be more widely sought than people with high IQs among recruiters and employers.

Writers are Able to Learn More

In a fascinating study of students taking notes on their laptops versus students taking notes longhand, students who took notes by using a laptop were found to retain less of the information they learned. They also didn’t think as critically about it as did the students who took notes longhand. Note-taking by laptop, researchers learned, was essentially the same as taking dictation: students were focused on getting all of the words instead of the content of the words. Whereas when students took notes longhand they knew they wouldn’t be able to copy everyword, so they were automatically and necessarily sorting the information as it came in. This required that they think more critically about what was being said, as well as organize and summarize it on the fly.

Writers Are Better Able to Process Negative Feelings

A study of unemployed engineers showed that of three groups of engineers, those who were told to write about their experiences and feelings of financial instability and economic inadequacy were more likely to be employed eight months after the study, by over twice as much (53% versus 24%). The theory is that writing gives a sense of closure around the feelings associated with job loss and unemployment, making the prospect of job-hunting less daunting and more manageable.
The Power of Writing – Use Your Words

Writers Are Better Able to Process…Everything

Writing gives a framework within which a person can organize their minds and help them think more clearly and process more efficiently and analytically. Almost every writer is familiar with the problem of the story in their head looking nothing like the story they’re writing, and how many frustrating drafts it takes before they start really resembling each other. This constant editing and processing of information over and over gives writers specifically the incredible ability not just to thoughtfully sort and organize information, but also to use that information most effectively. Whether it’s telling a story or creating quatrains or putting together a technical manual, the process of writing actually boosts writers’ intellectual capacities.

The bottom line is that writing, like anything worth doing, takes regular practice, time and energy to see the benefits. You’re probably not going to pick up a pen and immediately turn into the next Flannery O’Connor or Barbara Kingsolver, but you might get there. Along the way, you’ll be increasing your intelligence every time you take the initiative and sit down to write.

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One thing that is Ruining Your Relationships Before they Even Begin

It is always kind of surprising and flattering when someone comes to me for relationship advice. Surprising on one hand because I am 34-year-old, never-married, consummate bachelor. Flattering because there are people that realize that I am single for a reason: I understand relationships way too well to want to be in a bad one just for the sake of not being single. The most recent conversation that I had about relationship struggles was centered around a fellow bachelor who was trying to figure out why his relationships started out hot and heavy and inevitably sputtered out like a campfire in a mudslide. I asked him how long he waited to have sex when he started dating someone. He cocked an eyebrow and said, “sometimes not at all.” “There is your problem,” I said. “Sex is ruining your relationships before they even start.” To prove my point, I elaborated on the main reasons that jumping in the sack with someone can tank a relationship before it even begins:
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Sex Creates a False Sense of Connection

A funny thing happens to the human mind when we have sex. Our brains get flooded with all sorts of fun-time chemicals like dopamine when we have an orgasm. One of these fun-time chemicals is a little hormone called oxytocin, or the “snuggle hormone” as some doctors call it. Oxytocin makes us feel close to someone and can create a false sense of connection. Oxytocin and it’s results are not gender-specific, so you never know who is going to get the “connection bug”. Basically, sex can trick us into thinking that we really like someone, when in reality, we hardly know them. That whole brain chemical release can lead to the next problem…

Sex Comes with Unspoken Expectations

When you create false connections, you can create false expectations. It’s easy for people to think that just because you’ve been naked together that naturally you are going to progress to the next level. Unfortunately, expectations and intentions are two different things. Commonly, it is perceived that men just try to get women in bed with them with no intentions at a relationship, but honestly – it goes both ways. When you have two people with different intentions, be prepared for some form of fallout. When it comes to sex and relationships, there is a reason there is a process:
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Relationships have a Pattern for a Reason

Now, I won’t sit here and say that just because you get physical with someone quickly that there is no chance for a fruitful relationship. I will, however say that the chances are slim. Relationships progress the way that they do for a reason: as you open up to someone and get to know them, the connection that you share gets deeper. It’s like walking into a pool to see how deep it is as opposed to just diving in head-first and hoping that it’s not shallow. Sex gets better as a relationship progresses, not the other way around. Sure, there is such a thing as magnetic chemistry between two people. That being said, just becasue you want to sleep with someone doesn’t mean that you need to do it right this second. You’ll find that building a bond with someone before sex only makes the sex that much better when the timing is right.

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4 Things You Should Do To Build Your Self-Confidence

I think that one of the most important things that a person can develop in their life is self-confidence. When you don’t just think that you can do something, but you know in your soul that there is nothing that can stop you – well, there is nothing that can stop you. Self-confidence isn’t just something we are born with, it’s something that we develop over time. As many ways as there are to build self-confidence, it seems there are twice as many things that we will encounter in our lives that can put dents in that confidence that we’ve worked so hard to build. Developing self-confidence is an active process. Here are 4 things that you can do that will help you develop that unstoppable confidence in yourself that will make you successful in anything you do.
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Meditation

One thing that absolutely kills self-confidence is anxiety. Anxiety fuels doubts and doubts burn self-confidence like a grassfire. Meditation is one of the best ways to not only manage anxiety but to eliminate it. Sometimes the best thing you can do for a worried mind is to let it relax. You brain is just like a muscle in that sense: if you keep working out a torn muscle it will never heal. If your brain is running non-stop all day, it’s never going to clear up.

Learn a Language

The amazing thing about learning a new language is how it activates parts of your brain that don’t get used a lot. The cool thing about learning a new language is that it is a tangible result. There are tons of free language learning resources available out there like Duolingo that track your progress and show you how much you’ve learned. Learning any new skill is beneficial for self-confidence, but learning a new language allows you connect with new people, cultures, and places.
6 Ways to Build Confidence that will Make You Truly Unstoppable

Sales Training

Even if you don’t work in sales, I promise you that if you read through sales training materials you will instantly see the benefits that can come from it. Sales is all about confidence and communication – two skills that will help you be successful in any industry. Just because you aren’t in a sales position doesn’t mean that you don’t ever need those skills. For instance, giving a presentation at work involves a lot of skills that selling a product does. Sales training helps you interact with people effectively, and develops a sense of confidence in yourself like very few other types of training can.
Break Out of Your Shell! Five Ways to Build Social Confidence

Start a Business

Starting a business doesn’t have to be the massive endeavour that most people think it is. You can start something as simple as an Etsy store to sell crafts or start a blog that is monetized. Starting a business is a unique opportunity to build something with your own two hands. Let’s say you like to bake, there are tons of places where you can sell your products without having to buy a bakery. All it takes is an idea, some research, and ambition. Entrepreneurship is an amazing way to show yourself what you are capable of.

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Six Habits of Highly Attractive People

Everyone has met somebody who, physical appearance aside, is just truly, deeply appealing. Whether they are physically attractive or not, members of the opposite sex flock to them in droves, and though you’d like to be annoyed by that, you might actually have a bit of a crush on them yourself. You just want to get to know them better – and so does everyone else.
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Whether we are male or female, each of us likely spends hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars over the course of our lives in an effort to improve our physical appearance. We sweat at the gym, buy flattering clothes, shave, bathe, and style our hair in order to maintain our physical appeal – but how much time do we spend cultivating that curious internal magnetism that is actually the basis of most attraction?

Below are five simple habits that can increase your charisma, confidence, and sense of self.

1. Empower yourself!

The Law of Attraction dictates that we tend to arrive at the outcome which we most expect. Of course this principle does not always hold true – unfortunately for my toddler, who expected cookies for dinner – however, there is certainly something to it. When we radiate a genuine confidence in our actions, others tend to believe in our goals as well. After all, if we don’t believe we deserve our desired outcome, why should the rest of the world?

Focusing on reasons why we should reach our goal puts us in a more confident mindset, and genuine confidence is an infinitely attractive trait. It also helps us to perform at our best. A teenager asking a girl to a school dance is much more likely to get a “yes” if he is smiling, standing tall, and cracking jokes than if he is staring at the floor and mumbling. The message that the latter gives is that he doesn’t think she should want to go to the dance with him. This might, in turn, make her doubt her attraction to him in the first place. However, a wide smile and clever joke will make her feel comfortable, connected, and excited for the fun-filled evening ahead.

A good way to empower yourself before a big moment like this is to write down ten reasons why the person would want to say yes. Once you internalize these reasons, even if you are denied, you will feel that it is their loss and find it easier to move on from the rejection. Even more effective than doing this before a big moment is to practice it in your daily life. By consciously noticing when you elicit a smile, or when your hair looks great, or when your speech was well received, you are training your brain to look for these positive traits in yourself and, in turn, to see yourself in a flattering light. When you see yourself as an appealing, clever, magnanimous person, others will too.

2. Take Time to Meditate.

Most people feel stressed and unsure of themselves when entering a new social situation. Although this is completely natural and understandable, it is far from the best mindset to be in when you want to give off a good impression. A simple trick to counteract this is to learn how to meditate. Meditation has been shown to lower stress levels, and in particular the traits of anxiety, impulsiveness, and worry, all of which often lead to social blunders. It also strengthens your mental strength and focus, creativity, and memory, qualities which are crucial to good conversation and building relationships. Best of all, it only takes twenty minutes a day.
Science Proves The Power Of Meditation

3. Know Yourself, Be Yourself.

Personal congruence is the practice of aligning your thoughts, words, and actions. Congruence is the quality that causes a person to come off to others as authentic and self-assured. Practicing congruence promotes self-confidence because you are acting with integrity, and because others are responding to you as you truly are rather than as you think they would like you to be. Being congruent is about embracing and expressing your true feelings.

Most people fail to be congruent because they do not want to show weakness. However, I have found that some of my best friends are those who have known me at my worst, most unattractive moments. There’s something very endearing and relatable about someone who is being vulnerable – even though they are not perfect. Genuine flaws are usually much more charming than a manufactured veneer of perfection.

4. You do you, honey!

Do things because you genuinely want to – not because you want to appear a certain way to others or to fit in. When you stop looking for validation from others, you free yourself up to pursue interests and hobbies that you may never have considered before – which will, in the end, make you a more well-rounded and interesting person. Your passion for the pursuits you have chosen will be attractive to others, because nothing is more appealing than someone who is genuinely having a good time. Think of the last truly and universally likeable person you encountered – did he need you to like him? Of course not – because he liked himself. Take back control of your self-image by worrying less about what others think of you and more about who you really are and how much you are enjoying life.
10 Bad Habits to Avoid for Optimum Success

5. Listen Up!

Everyone loves to talk – but few have perfected the art of listening. As the wife of a very good listener, I can tell you from the outside what a profound impact it has on people. Most people, myself included, tend to talk too much because we are eager to make a connection. However, it’s in listening that you come to truly understand a person and what makes them tick. Because he is a natural at this, my husband not only attracts people and makes them feel comfortable, but is also able to offer thoughtful insights regarding their problems, strengths, and motivations. Listening opens your mind, strengthens your sense of empathy, and develops your ability to connect. As someone who struggles to develop this skill, I cannot recommend it highly enough!

6. Shake It Off!

Everyone has felt the sting of rejection – even Taylor Swift. Unfortunately, if we dwell on these rejections and the reasons why others might not like us, we can train our brain to look for our flaws and blunders – creating the opposite of the effect discussed above in tip #1. The fact that not everyone will like us can be disheartening, or it can be tremendously freeing. Rejection, after all, is rarely about your defects. More often, two people simply don’t mesh well, and you are both better off putting your time and energy into other relationships.

The funny thing about becoming a truly and deeply appealing person is that, if you have this quality, you likely don’t even care – because you love yourself regardless. Your most important and long-lasting relationship is the one that you have with yourself. Cultivate that, and the rest is sure to fall into place.

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You Are Enough: Re-Engaging When You Feel Like You’re Falling Behind

Right here, right now, you are enough. You are enough if you are training for a marathon or nursing a child or screaming at one. You are enough if you are daydreaming or outlining your memoir or delivering a corporate presentation. You are enough if you are having a lazy morning, afternoon, evening, or an incredibly productive one. You are enough if you are plotting or scheming, simply maintaining, creating or destroying, sleeping or waking. You are enough no matter who you are or what you are doing. You are simply enough.
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We are living at an extremely interesting time in human history. Technological advances make it easier to connect with other people than ever before, but most of us feel disconnected. We have more opportunities for growth -personal growth, spiritual growth, educational growth, relationship growth- than we have ever had before, and yet we feel stunted. Our calendars are overflowing with activity and our Facebooks flourish with friends. We are well-educated, determined, ambitious, informed and engaged.

Oh, wait. No we’re not. Not that last one. We are largely disengaged. And this disengagement is incredibly disheartening. We feel it: we’re out of touch, out of sorts, out of time, we worry, and we worry. We worry constantly, incipiently. We dress our cares in anxiety and clothe our concerns in dread and fear. We don’t have to. We can just be. That’s enough.

It’s enough to simply exist. It’s enough to breathe in this moment and allow our lungs to expand, our bodies to relax, our senses to activate. It’s enough to be where our feet are, to melt into this moment, whether this moment is road rage or cubicle boredom or walking the dog or feeding the fish or greeting a dear friend, a spouse, a child. We can simply exist for the suchness of this experience. It doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be perfect. None of us are. None of us ever will be. You’re still enough.

That we’re constantly coaxed by thirty-point lists and practical applications for planning every moment of our lives perfectly is an absurd waste of time. That we’re regularly scolded for not doing well enough, not upholding whatever enough, not being enough, is absolute falsehood. You are always enough. When we realize this, when we embrace the existence of this very moment -because this, now, is all we really have- we learn to treasure our existence, to value ourselves. We don’t have to be great thinkers or doers, achievers of huge importance, worth an assigned number of dollars and cents. In being, in existing here, now, you and I, and all of us, we are priceless.

When we realize this, when we account for our existence, our “enough-ness”, we re-engage. We come back to the world. We smile again. We can accept without attachment and connect without clinging. We can simply be.

It can be really hard to simply be, though, so here are a few resources. Guides, if you will. This one hilariously describes the basics of being a human. (Extraterrestrials, take note.) This one talks about the importance of self-worth especially in the context of relationships. This one is a cool clearinghouse of a number of thinkers’ ideas on being human. And this one discusses how we really see ourselves, and each other. You may find them helpful, in seeking out your enough-ness.

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Five Steps to a Happier, Less Fearful Life

Fear is an ever-present challenge in most of our lives. Although we each have a vision of what we would like our little corner of the world to look like, there are a myriad of fears that can keep us from realizing our dreams and living our best, most fulfilling lives. Fear of change keeps us in a comfortable spot, even when we know we could be happier elsewhere. Fear of the unknown keeps us from pushing our boundaries. Fear of failure stops us from even trying in the first place. Fear of success, however, might be the most insidious of all – what if you reach your goals, it whispers, and find that you are still not happy?
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Here are five steps to help you in shedding those fears and going after the life you’ve always wanted:

Define happiness on your own terms.

My idea of bliss involves staying home with my child, taking bubble baths, cooking dinner most nights, and lots of reading. For another woman, this might be an absolute nightmare. Some people require a peaceful, quiet moment of solitude each day to recharge, while others find themselves invigorated by an environment rich with noise, people, and activity. When we find a lifestyle that works for us, we tend to promote it to others, especially our children. As a result, we can end up chasing a well-meaning parent’s concept of happiness instead of our own.

Before taking steps to pursue the life that you’ve always wanted, make sure it is your own dream that you are chasing, rather than society’s. Check that your plan is aligned with your personal joys, passions, and values. Take time to figure out what these are. Be honest with yourself. Ultimately your family may not approve of your choices, but they aren’t the ones who have to live your life – you are. The more sure of your destination you are, the more fearless you will be in taking the steps.

Consider the Trade-Offs.

I’ve never loved the phrase “you can’t have your cake and eat it too.” After all, what good is having cake if you can’t eat it? However, the sentiment certainly applies here. Therefore, I’ve updated the wording to something I think we can all relate to: You can’t eat that whole cake and stay a size two. Unfortunately, reality does not work this way.

This message is especially important for women, as we tend to be the ones who demand too much of ourselves. Somewhere along the way, the feminist message that we can “have it all“, has gotten twisted – and many of us now put unfair pressure on ourselves, believing that we must “have it all”. Unfortunately, there are simply not enough hours in  the day to devote our whole selves to everything we’d like. If we attempt this we risk spreading ourselves much too thin and accomplishing nothing substantial.

For this reason, when you construct your vision of happiness, be sure to keep the limits of reality in mind. You cannot be a full-time stay at home mother, attend law school, work seventy hours a week, and volunteer at the soup kitchen every night – even though all of these things might be important to you. Consider the limitations of reality, and construct a SMART goal regarding your happiness – specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound.

Prioritize Your Happiness.

Because we do not want to be selfish, we often find ourselves molding our role in the world to fit the needs of our family, or community, and societal pressure. As Howard Thurman once said, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Of course you still need to ensure that you are meeting your basic needs and those of your family. However, don’t let your own need for passion and stimulation fall to the wayside in the name of caring for others. You’ll be surprised how beneficial it can be to your children to watch you come alive – it just might inspire them to pursue their own passions.
Avoid Labels, Screw The Media, And Be Happy

Furthermore, this entire happiness project will be for nothing if you do not decide to put bliss maintenance on your daily to-do list. While the idea that happiness is a choice may seem to be a feel-good cliche, there is scientific evidence that this is true. Two separate studies published in The Journal of Positive Psychology  suggested that simply putting effort into attaining happiness can increase your sense of bliss in a very real way. As psychologist William James put it, “The greatest discovery of any generation is that a human can alter his life by altering his attitude.”

Believe You Deserve This.

Each of us has the fundamental human right to live a joyful life. Even the Declaration of Independence offers us life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Why, then, do we think of our sense of harmony and contentment as a luxury? Many of us don’t truly believe that we’re worthy of our best life, or the time and energy we must invest to achieve it, due to poor self-esteem. Thankfully, science regarding neural pathways suggests that by telling ourselves we deserve happiness, and continually looking for evidence that this thought is true, we can convince ourselves of it on a very deep level.

Take Action.

Although this step may seem to be the most obvious, it is by far the most likely to get ignored. It is also the most crucial in achieving this, or any, desired outcome. This call to action does not necessitate a complete overhaul of your life today – but it does require you to do something right now. Sign up for a class, go for a long walk, or buy a journal. Do one small thing in the name of happiness each day, and your life will begin to head in that direction. Tell a friend, and ask them to hold you accountable. Set up a time – weekly, monthly, daily, or whatever works for you – to check in on your progress. You’ll be surprised at how far you’ve come in a year’s time!

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How to Hold It together When it Seems like Everything is Falling Apart

One constant in life is that there will always be challenges. Some big. Some small. Either way, there are going to be times in life when it seems like the problems are adding up faster than you can fix them. The “snowball” effect can bury even the strongest people. One of the most important things to keep in mind when the world is falling on your head is that this too shall pass. Maintaining your composure is only part of the solution. Here are some things to keep in mind when the challenges are stacking up faster than you can address them:
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3-Foot World

One concept I have heard repeated in different self-development books written by everyone from former Navy SEALs to professional rock climbers is the idea of “getting back to your 3-foot world.” The idea is that when you are looking at the big picture you are ignoring the problems right in your face. you need to address the issues that affect you immediately before you start to worry about the problems down the road. It’s a mentality of prioritization that keeps you focused on right now. Think about the rock climbing metaphor: if you are on the side of a rock face worrying about the ledge 30 feet above your head, how can you see the handhold 3 feet from your head? No matter how big the mountain, take it 3 feet at a time.

Take 5

Sometimes the best thing you can do when faced with an ever-growing pile of problems is to just take a step back. I’m not talking about running away. I’m talking about stepping back, keeping your eyes on the issues, and taking a second to process them. I do this at least once a day. Whether it is taking a few minutes to just read and relax my brain, or just simply getting up from my desk and walking away. Unless you are battling a literal raging inferno of a fire, taking 5 minutes to clear your head is only going to help.

Delegate

This is one that I struggled with for years. There are some of us who take entirely too much responsibility on ourselves. If you carry the weight of the world around, don’t be surprised when it gets too heavy to handle. Delegation is tough for some of us. We see the projects that we are working on as our “babies”. You have to really trust someone to let them care for your baby. Delegation is as much of a skill as actually doing the work itself. You have to pick the right person for the right job and trust them to get it done. Micro-managing is just as counter-productive as not delegating in the first place.
Ten Steps Towards a More Productive Day

Find an Expert

Believe it or not, no matter how good you think you are at your job out there in the world somewhere is someone who is better. Or at least as good. There are countless communities of professionals out there that you can reach out to for advice. Again, it’s something I do almost every day. I have friends of mine that work for competitors who I will call for advice, and vice-versa. It’s what makes a company part of an industry. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help. If two heads are better than one, imagine an entire community of people who do what you do.

Be Realisistic

Most importantly, don’t be Chicken Little. If an acorn falls on your head, don’t assume the sky is falling. You need to approach your problems realistically. Unless you are literally saving lives, don’t approach every problem like it is life or death. One of the most important things you can do is “weigh” the issues that you are facing. Give each situation a value, and address them accordingly. You’ll start to see that when you take care of the little things, the big things work themselves out.

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The Surprising Health Benefits of Crossword Puzzles

Crossword puzzles are more than just an airplane boredom buster – they may actually be beneficial to your social, emotional, mental, and physical health. Research suggests that these portable brain teasers may help to ward off dementia and Alzheimer’s, as well as improve overall brain and memory function. Surprisingly, though, these puzzles have benefits that extend well beyond the brain. They can also relieve stress, and, if solved in a group, trigger a strong sense of bonding. Here’s why we should all be doing more crosswords in our spare time:
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For Our Brain

We already understand how crossword puzzles can increase vocabulary and enhance problem solving skills. However, the effects of crossword puzzles on our brain functionality may actually go much deeper. According to a UC – Berkeley study, crossword puzzles may help to ward of Alzheimer’s disease. Beta-amyloid is a toxic protein that builds up in the brains of those with Alzheimer’s, and is the main component of the brain plaques that characterize the disease. Researchers found that the more often someone engaged in mentally stimulating activities such as crosswords, the less buildup of beta-amyloid they were likely to have in their brain. In another study, crossword puzzles  were found to delay the onset of dementia by offering leisurely stimulation of the mind.

For Our Happiness

The benefits crossword puzzles present to our sense of happiness go far beyond killing time in a dull moment. For many of us, the stressful nature of our lives is the biggest hurdle standing in the way of our happiness. Crossword puzzles help to relieve stress by engaging our minds deeply, leaving us little opportunity to focus on our everyday worries. They do so in a lighthearted, low-stakes way, making them the perfect escape when our brain needs a bit of a vacation. Completing a difficult crossword puzzle also gives us a sense of accomplishment, boosting our confidence and sense of self-esteem.
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For Our Relationships

Solving crossword puzzles as a group provides even greater benefits to brain functionality. Working in a team, research has shown, improves the speed of thinking and talking. Not only will your puzzle be completed more quickly, but you will strengthen your ability to collaborate strategically and manage disputes. Solving puzzles in a group can also strengthen social bonds by creating a shared memory and a concrete group accomplishment.

Next time you find yourself bored, this research suggests, you should find yourself a newspaper and attempt to tackle crossword puzzle. Pull a friend in to help if you can. It will not only help the moment to pass more quickly, but may strengthen your brain and your bond, as well!

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The Love Letters And The Unexpected Benefits From Writing Them

For me, the phrase “love letter” conjures up images of secret notes tucked away in memory boxes, or calligraphy written in quill long ago, on now yellowing parchement to be discovered in an attic by a great-grandchild. Did you know, however, that penning one could actually lower your cholesterol levels?
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Participants in a study published in volume 33, Issue 2 of Human Communication Research were split into two groups. One was asked to write about random topics, and the other was asked to express their affection for loved ones in writing. They did so for only twenty minutes at a time, on three occasions spread over five weeks. The results, from so little a time commitment, were astounding.

Those who used their writing time to express love and affection experienced a statistically significant decrease in cholesterol levels. By contrast, the participants who wrote about inocuous topics actually experienced a cholesterol increase over the same time period. The underlying reason for this likely has to do with the physical benefits of gratitude and love.

This leads to my challenge to you. Tomorrow, take twenty minutes out of your day to write a love letter. Break out some fancy stationary or buy a pretty card. Doodle around the edges or seal it with a kiss. Your letter can be a short thank you note, or a lengthy, passionate expression of emotion – whichever comes more naturally to you.

The only rules are that you must put pen to paper, and you must express sincere gratitude and affection. Text messages, emails, and phone calls, while beneficial, do not count for the purposes of this challenge. Shallow, generic missives do not count either. You’re better than that.
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If you are stuck, I suggest looking to the greats for some inspiration. Then, find a peaceful spot outdoors, look up at the big blue sky, and soak up a sense of peace – then, share it. If nothing is coming to you, try again later. It’s only supposed to take a few minutes, after all. We’re aiming for a kind thought, not a novel.

The next day, hand deliver your letter if possible. See how you feel. If it lights you up, or puts a new warmth in your relationship, keep doing it! Begin a ritual of Sunday evening love letter writing to kick off your week with gratitude and joy. You might end up doing your body and your relationships a lot of good!

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