Cheating Without Cheating: 6 Betrayals that Destroy Your Relationship from the Inside

Internal sabotage is as harmful to many relationships as external cheating, and causes just as many problems between humans who are otherwise committed to each other. While external causes -fooling around or sexual involvement with someone outside of the relationship- are easier to pinpoint, that may be why these internal betrayals are just as troublesome. They’re insidious. They’re difficult to understand and often aren’t addressed until they seem too big to fix. Here are 6 common betrayals that may be destroying your relationship from the inside:
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1) Neglect

Neglect isn’t the same as abuse and that’s why it can be tough to spot until after the fact. Hindsight is, as they say, 20/20. Relationships are living, vibrant things that require everyday maintenance and care, daily nurturing. Think of your relationship as a garden: if you only maintain it when you feel like it, you will very quickly have a dead garden. You have to weed and water and fertilize regularly, sometimes daily. You have to work to maintain it. Your relationship is no different.

2) Comfort vs “letting yourself go”

Being comfortable around your significant other is essential to a happy relationship, but we all know there is a difference between a level of comfort and relaxation and abject laziness. But how do we learn to walk that line without feeling…well…uncomfortable?

One way to approach this tough one is to think about being the best version of yourself. The best version of yourself is what we all want to present to the world, and it should also be what we always present to our significant other. The best version of ourselves isn’t perfect or always happy or always anything, but even at the worst times and the most difficult moments represents who we are and what we bring to the table, whether in yoga pants and a nightshirt or a ball gown. It’s not about what you’re wearing or not, or what your weight is: it’s about being true to yourself so that you’re true to your relationship.
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3) Putting the status of being in a relationship on a pedestal

We’re taught that being in a relationship as some kind of momentous achievement (and, conversely, being single as a lack of that achievement). Putting the status of being in a relationship on a pedestal rather than the quality of the actual relationship itself is a huge betrayal. What you’re saying is that the person you’re with isn’t important, it’s just important that you’re with a person.

Make sure you’re regularly checking in to make sure that you and your partner are in the best relationship you’ve ever had. If that’s not the case, how can you work to fix it? Some people refuse to even introduce social media into their relationships anymore because of the emphasis on status. Make sure you’ve got your priorities in check.

4) Using your partner

When you use your partner it shows that you aren’t willing to work on yourself. Using your partner usually manifests as blame on the other person for not making you happy when you’re not the one actually putting in the self-work to be happy in your relationship. This creates a terrible cycle of inequality and codependence that only spirals downwards. Are you worried that you might be using your partner…or being used? Check out these classic signs of a codependent relationship to find out.
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5) Being right instead of being well

Codependency rears its ugly head again when we insist upon being right more often than not. Being right usually comes at a substantial price, as we often engage in shaming behaviors when we insist on being right instead of communicating proactively. As explored extensively in this great Radiolab podcast, what’s left when we’re right is usually a broken, fragmented communication meltdown that only spirals downward to the inevitable end of a relationship. Engaging in healthy communication measures -using “I” statements, clearly stating how you feel rather than accusing the other person of doing something to or because of you- is key in a functional relationship, and that means that sometimes you’re just not right. And that’s okay.

6) Expecting Your Partner to Change

This one has always personally baffled me: if you got into a relationship with this person because of who they are, why would you want them to be someone they’re not?

All humans experience change; it’s part of growth. But changing the core of your partner’s values or who they really are, their unique qualities that make them them, is not something you should ever try or expect to do. If you truly want your partner to be a different person, you don’t really actually want your partner to change. You want a different partner, and you probably oughta act on that.

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Why and How to Stop Snoring

Your snoring is not only annoying your partner – it is also harming your mind and body. Because snoring decreases both the quality and quantity of your sleep, it can contribute to depression, weight gain, heart disease, mental health problems, and diabetes, ultimately putting you at an increased risk for an early death. Since nearly half of adults are known to snore at least some of the time, chances are pretty good that it has an effect on someone in your bedroom. Fortunately though, there are steps you can take to identify the cause of your snoring problem and put an end to it once and for all.
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Why do you snore?

Snoring occurs when air, rather than moving straight through the nose and throat, becomes obstructed and causes the nearby tissue to vibrate. Some causes of snoring, such as pregnancy, allergies and congestion, sinus problems, certain medications such as muscle relaxers, or even a night of heavy drinking, are likely to pass on their own. Others, such as smoking and obesity, may require an intensive overhaul in lifestyle to change. However, still other types of snoring, caused by aging or genetics, are simply unavoidable.

Some people, unfortunately, live in a state of complete denial when it comes to their snoring. Thankfully, there are some signs to look for besides the telltale sound. If you often wake up with a dry mouth or sore throat, then you, my friend, might have a snoring problem. Sorry you had to find out this way.

If your snoring is severe enough to lead to sleep apnea, you may experience other troubling symptoms. You may stop breathing or even choke while you are asleep, which can disrupt your brain’s functionality during the following day. This can cause daytime fatigue, headaches, irritability, and trouble focusing on  tasks. Coffee can only do so much – at this point, it’s time to address the root of the problem.

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What can you do to curb your chances of snoring tonight?

1. Keep your body hydrated. There are a million reasons why you should probably be drinking more water, and this is one of them. Nasal dryness leads to snoring, and is so easily prevented. Try to get eight glasses a day.
2. For the same reason, you should put an end to dryness in your air. Today’s humidifiers are attractive, easy to use, and great for your skin. Because of the dry Colorado air and our son’s eczema, we own several.
3. Try sleeping on your side. Sleeping on your back or stomach can increase your chances of snoring, and sleeping on your left side, in particular, offers additional health benefits. Sleeping in a new position can feel awkward at first, but it’s certainly better than sleeping alone.
4. Don’t drink alcohol right before bed. I know, I’m no fun, but neither is your snoring. Save the boozing for bottomless mimosas tomorrow at brunch.
5. Use a mouthpiece. This is an oral appliance that you put over your teeth at bedtime. Mouthpieces like these are meant to keep your airway open, so it does not get stuck and cause the tissue vibration mentioned above.
6. If your snoring is caused by allergies or congestion, you may simply need to open up your nasal passages. This will make you more comfortable in addition to relieving your snoring. You can do this with a hot, steamy shower, nasal strips, or a neti pot. Your partner will thank you.

How can you lessen your risk for snoring in the future?

1. Wash your sheets regularly. If you are sleeping in a filthy cocoon of dust, pollen, and pet dander, your nasal passages are sure to react accordingly. In fact, dust mites and other allergens could be hiding all over your room, so you should probably give the whole place a thorough scrubbing. Don’t bother making the bed, though – oddly enough, this could actually increase your chance of having dust mites!

2. Quit smoking. There are a million reasons to do this, and you’ve probably heard them all. I feel compelled, however, to make sure that snoring is on that list. Breathe easier, save money, snore less, and live longer. Start cutting back today.

3. Try some mouth and throat exercises. You may feel like a dork, but doing this on a regular basis can strengthen your respiratory muscles, making them less likely to inhibit air flow while you sleep.

4. Start a workout regimen. As with quitting smoking, the reasons to do this are seemingly infinite – and this is one to add to the list. Besides the obvious effect of decreasing your risk for obesity, exercise has a positive impact on your immune system, making you less vulnerable to congestion.

Hopefully you (or your loved one) found one of these suggestions to be helpful. Between stress, work, and family life, nobody needs an extra hurdle to a good night’s sleep. Start taking steps to cut back on your snoring tonight, and your body, mind, and bedmate are sure to thank you tomorrow!

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7 Reasons Why You Should Definitely Be Having Sex Every Day

It turns out, if you have sex regularly, you are enjoying some pretty amazing health benefits by doing so.

There have been some interesting scientific studies done on the subject of having a healthy sex life. In every one of those studies which used healthy participants, it was found that people who have sex more than 3 times a week are healthier, younger looking, and even live longer than those who don’t.
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Personally, I think having sex frequently makes you feel incredible. It elevates your mood, and benefits your mind and body. But my personal experience isn’t really classed as “scientific.” So let’s see what the experts say.

Here are 7 reasons why you should definitely be having sex every day:

1. Immune System Is Boosted

When people have sex, their bodies produce countless chemicals, hormones, antibodies- all sorts of things- which are then released. Immunoglobulin A (IgA) is an antigen that is responsible for strengthening our immune system (the same little guy that helps us fight the flu). This antigen is released, and the levels are increased, with frequent sexual activity.

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A study done by researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found that participants who had sex once or twice a week had 30% higher levels of IgA than those who had sex less frequently. Feeling a cold coming on? Have more nookie.

2. Keeps Your Heart Healthy

Yep, having sex on a regular basis does wonders for your heart. The American Journal of Cardiology published a study in 2010 that researched the correlation between the frequency of sex and the health of one’s heart. They found men who had sex at least twice a week were less likely to develop heart disease compared with men who had sex only once a month.

Another reason sex keeps your ticker ticking on time? “Sex is good aerobic exercise, and aerobic exercise is good for heart health,” says Dr. Dean Nukta, medical director of interventional cardiology at Fairview Hospital.  Exercise is great for all parts of the body, as well as the mind, but is sex really an effective  “exercise?” Yes! Men burn approximately 4.2 calories/minute during sex, and women burn 3.1, according to a study published in PLOS. The study says with moderate intensity, “sexual activity may potentially be considered, at times, as a significant exercise.”
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3. Keeps You Looking Younger

Skip the wrinkle creams and botox injections. Sex has been proven to keep your skin looking younger, for longer.

Dr. David Weeks, former head of old age psychology at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, conducted a long-term study and published his findings in the book Secrets of the Superyoung. Weeks says, “the key ingredients for looking younger are staying active … and maintaining a good sex life.”

Weeks’ gathered 3,500 participants, aged 30 to 101. He found, “sex helps you look between four and seven years younger.” Again, it’s because of those wonderful chemical reactions.

Human growth hormone, as well as estrogen, are released during love-making, and both of these contribute to skin elasticity.  Oxygen also plays a vital role in maintaining a youthful appearance; increased sexual frequency increases the oxygen levels in your blood. And then there’s DHEA, the anti-aging hormone. This hormone is released during orgasm and contributes to boosting the immune system, improving cognition, and giving your skin that healthy glow.

4. Reduces Pain (Seriously)

If you’re the type who uses excuses like “Not tonight, I have a headache,” you might want to think of something else. Sex reduces pain, so if you did actually have a headache, sex would be the way to get rid of it. (And it’s a lot more fun than taking an aspirin.)

Dr. Barry Komisaruk of Rutgers University has studied the neuroscience behind orgasms and pain response in the body for over 50 years. He says, “Orgasms can block pain. We’ve found that vaginal stimulation can block chronic back and leg pain, and many women have told us that genital self-stimulation can reduce menstrual cramps, arthritic pain, and in some cases even headache”.

5. Reduces Risk Of Prostate Cancer

The Journal of the American Medical Association published a study which contained some fascinating results. The research consisted of finding if there was a connection between frequency of ejaculation and reduced risk of prostate cancer. Over 30,000 participants assisted with this study for over 20 years.  They found that men who ejaculated frequently (at least 21 times a month) were 20% less likely to get prostate cancer.

21 times a month? That’s almost every day. Well there’s good news, guys. You don’t need a partner to reap the benefits of this one. You can “prevent cancer” all on your own. *wink wink*

6. Improves Your Sleep

Having trouble nodding off? Well, there are a couple hormones responsible for getting a good night’s rest- melatonin, seratonin, and oxytocin.  Sex can help you with all of them.

Seratonin helps to make you feel calm and relaxed. The body produces this chemical in the brain as a pleasure response, and it is released during orgasm/ejaculation. The Health Site says, “serotonin is a precursor of melatonin (hormone that regulates sleep and maintains circadian rhythm of the body). An increased serotonin level may also lead to an increase in melatonin level, which further induces sleep.”
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Oxytocin, also known as the love hormone, can help you get some shut-eye as well. That happy-lovey-dovey feeling you get during or after sex is the result of oxytocin coursing through your bloodstream. It helps to reduce stress, lowers blood pressure, and makes it easier for you to fall asleep.

7. It Makes Your Day

Whether you choose to start your day off with a morning “workout” session, or end your night with a special course for dessert, having regular sex with a partner you love can make your entire day.

If you wake up with a smile on your face, you are setting the tone for the rest of the day. And if you’ve had a crappy day, ending it with some stress-relieving, sexual therapy will raise your seratonin levels and improve your mood overall.

So regardless if you are a male or a female, you should be having sex regularly. Like science says, it’s good for you.

*This article and the topics discussed within are intended for adults. This was written with regards to those who are in a healthy sexual relationship with a partner they know and whose sexual history they are familiar with. Be smart, if you don’t know what you’re “getting into”, use protection.*

By Raven Fon

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Is A Common Cat-Born Parasite Out To Kill You?

It’s running rampant all over the Interwebs lately: your cat produces a parasite that can take over your brain! Your cat could be making you crazy! And of course the backlash: these studies are all nonsense! Your cat isn’t infecting you with anything! Leave your poor cat alone!
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What you should and shouldn’t do with your cat aside, it can be tough to parse through this information. Which is why I started looking at various sources to make my own determination on toxoplasmosis gondii  (Toxo for short) and whether its infection in humans -toxoplasmosis- is really making human beings angrier, more prone to schizophrenia, and possibly even killing us. The results I found are extremely interesting.

Your Cat Is Killing You

On the side of “your cat carries a brain parasite capable of rewiring your brain”, this is actually true. Sort of. Toxo reproduces exclusively in the fecal matter of cats. When another animal comes into contact with the parasite it reworks its brain to make it absolutely love cats. And since this creature is usually a rodent or some small mammal that would make a delicious cat dinner, the parasite drives its host to hunt down a cat…so it can get eaten. Pretty incredible, right? Parasites are amazing.

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The Internet has been on fire about this lately because recent studies seem to show a correlation between humans infected with this parasite and a tendency to be angrier, more aggressive, and even exhibit a greater tendency to develop schizophrenia. Kill all the cats!!

Calm Down, People

No, no, no. Don’t kill all the cats. The cats are not the problem. As is often the case when anything goes viral, the problem is the interpretation of the studies, not the studies themselves. One of the most-cited studies on this so-called correlation had only 358 subjects. In a world populated by billions of people, that’s a pretty tiny percentage.

Furthermore, Toxo doesn’t become infectious to humans until it has spent at least one and possibly up to five days in a cat’s feces after excretion. So if you’re a cat owner who is fairly fastidious about cleaning its litter box, use gloves while doing so and wash your hands afterwards, the likelihood that you’ll contract toxoplasmosis from your cat is slim to none.
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Besides, there is a good chance you already have it. Scientists estimate that anywhere from ⅕ to ½ of the human population is infected with toxoplasmosis. We don’t get it exclusively from cats…humans can also get the parasite from undercooked or improperly handled foods such as poultry and lamb, from soil contaminated with cat feces, from fruits and vegetables grown in that soil, etc. It’s a highly effective parasite in terms of transmission.

A Conclusion…of Sorts

So, how does this all work out? Well, like anything worth investigating, the answer is complex and doesn’t lend itself to any kind of simplicity. The results are that we’re still figuring out the results. Some people, including leading research scientists, are absolutely convinced that humans with toxoplasmosis have essentially been taken hostage by a brain parasite, and that evidence increasingly points to that parasite changing out behavior.

Certainly, toxoplasmosis is already dangerous to some humans. Pregnant women, as well as people with compromised immune systems, have long been advised to keep away from cat feces. This is because if Toxo infects a developing brain or an immunologically compromised brain it can cause severe brain damage. It led to the development of severe dementia in many AIDS patients before the causation was understood.
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Even in healthy humans, toxoplasmosis can cause flu-like symptoms and general malaise, but it usually resolves fairly quickly and the human immune system beats the parasite into dormancy.

The jury is still out, however, on whether or not toxoplasmosis can affect the brain of healthy adult human beings. While some studies seem to show a correlation between Toxo and increased aggression, various other studies and larger bodies of research on the subject discredit those as having sample sizes that are too small or too narrowly-defined. And certainly, while the CDC has published guidelines on prevention and treatment of toxoplasmosis, the infection is not considered a major human health threat.

Perhaps larger studies and future testing will lead to more conclusive results in the future. In the meantime, take care of your cat and clean its litterbox frequently. Your cat will appreciate it and your chances of contracting a brain parasite will be significantly lower.

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Which Prince Song Is About Your Life?

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Classic Rock Lyrics Or Classic Literature

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Name The Artist by Looking at His Art

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