How Sensitive Is Your OCD Radar?

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Can You See All Six People In This Picture?

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4 Signs Your Job Is Crushing Your Spirit

You went to school and got good grades. You behaved yourself. You got into college. You graduated and got a job. You settled down. You bought a house and saved diligently for your retirement…
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Did you ever stop to ask yourself why?

All too often, we get caught up in our short term goals in a way that blinds us to the big picture. The average American will spend nearly 100,000 hours at work over the course of their lifetime. For those who work beyond a nine to five schedule, it will be much more. This is very disheartening when we consider that 80 percent of people do not like their jobs.

Should you take a second look at your career path before you go any farther?

Here are four signs you should reconsider your job situation:

1. You’ve lost sight of your personal goals and aspirations.

Your work should not be the only component of your identity. Where do you want to travel? What athletic feats do you strive to accomplish? Do you have any artistic projects in the works? These are the things that make us who we are. If you are drowning in your job, it’s likely you need to form an identity outside of work. Consider your talents. Ask yourself what makes you come alive. Then, go for it. Train for a marathon. Learn to cook Chinese food. Plan a trip to Cuba. Build a tree house for your kids. Learn Italian. Coach your daughter’s soccer team. Start a garage band. The possibilities are endless.

2. Your work is stopping you from enjoying your life.

Did you know that 64 percent of Americans canceled their vacations this year? Of those who did go, a quarter checked in to work remotely on an hourly basis. Vacations, and other breaks from work, are critical to our mental and emotional health. If you are never truly off the clock, you are missing out on a wonderful chance to enjoy being alive. Travel is one of the great thrills of life. Exploring our world is magical and inspiring. It rejuvenates the spirit. It is also a unique chance to bond with your family. The memories you build together will stay with you long after your job has ended. This brings us to our next point…

3. Your relationships are suffering.

“In workaholic marriages, there’s more marital estrangement. Couples are emotionally distant from each other. There are often thoughts of separation and divorce,” noted Bryan Robinson. This could explain why couples in which one partner spends more time than usual at work (by ten or more hours per week) divorce at twice the average rate. This figure is sad on its own. When we consider that most people work to provide for their family, it becomes tragic. Think hard about what exactly it is you want to give your loved ones. Most likely, they would prefer your presence to your presents.
Is a Terrible Job Really Better Than No Job at All?

4. You only work for the money.

Most people would not choose to work if they did not have bills to pay. However, this shouldn’t be the only thing that ties you to your current job. Does your work give you a sense of purpose? Does it stimulate your mind? Do you like and respect your co-workers? Do you feel invested in your professional goals and accomplishments? Are you proud to work for your company? Do you get a sense of personal satisfaction when you do your job well? If you could not answer “yes” to any of these questions, it might be time to seek out a more rewarding work life.

“Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion,” wrote Simon Sinek. Don’t let your work stress destroy your capacity to seek out passion and joy in your life. Remember what it is you are working for. Then, invest time and energy in the parts of your life that awaken your spirit. Spend time with your loved ones. Pursue a passion project. Live your life in the greatest way possible.

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7 Signs Your Partner Is Ready to Commit

Falling in love is one of the greatest joys life has to offer. Most people look forward to settling down with their one true soulmate. Unfortunately, in our rush to fall head over heels, we may overestimate our partner’s affection and commitment. This is an error that’s bound to end in heartbreak.
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So, how do we protect ourselves from emotional disaster without blocking our hearts off from love? The answer is right in front of you. Observe your partner’s behavior. Listen to what they say. Read between the lines. What are they not saying? Do their actions align with their words? Be honest with yourself about what you see. Don’t clutch so tightly to a fantasy that you let the real thing pass you by.

So – is your partner ready for the long haul?

Here are seven ways you can tell:

Your partner says “I love you” in a casual context.

The ability to say these words in the course of everyday life shows certainty and comfort. Watch out for a partner who says it only in romantic situations. They might be using these words without meaning them, to meet your expectations and cultivate an amorous atmosphere. A partner who only says “I love you” in response to you saying it first may be unsure of their feelings. Look for sincerity and comfort in your partner’s declarations of affection.
5 Ways to Stay Connected To Your Partner

Your partner mentions building a family.

A person who asks how you feel about marriage and children is trying to envision a future with you. One who does not might not be ready to commit. They might also be afraid of scaring you off. Either way, it is likely that they feel your relationship is not yet at a point where they are looking towards a permanent commitment.

Your partner has introduced you to their family and friends.

This is a big step. If your significant other wants you to meet their inner circle, it is likely that they already see you as an important part of their life. They are committed to the relationship, and they are proud of the person you are. It also shows that they value their relationships with family members and close friends.

Your partner is willing to compromise.

When your significant other goes out of their way to make you happy, they are showing you that they value the relationship more than their own comfort. It also demonstrates a sense of maturity that is necessary in a long term commitment. Be sure to return this courtesy by making sacrifices of your own. This is good practice for marriage.

Your partner goes out of their way to spend time with you.

Time is our most strictly limited resource. Anyone can spend money on you, or shower you with compliments and praise. It takes a truly committed person to sacrifice their time for you. This is a sure sign that your partner is looking toward building a future together.
20 Questions to Determine Whether Your Partner is Controlling

Your partner asks lots of questions.

In a happy relationship, you and your significant other should strive to constantly learn more about one another. A partner who asks lots of questions is deeply interested in who you are. This shows curiosity, care, and affection. These qualities will keep your relationship alive.

Your partner likes to hold hands.

Non-sexual touching shows a level of fondness and comfort that goes beyond simple physical attraction. These little bits of contact deepen your emotional connection and keep you in sync with one another. If your partner likes to hold hands in public, they might be proud to show you off. They may also be nervous and looking to you for security. Either way, frequent hand holding is a very good sign.

“To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect,” wrote  Criss Jami. Don’t wait for a perfect person. Choose someone who is imperfect, and build a perfect love. Just make sure they are committed to doing the same.

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4 Ways To Handle Passive-Aggressive Behaviour Without Being A Jerk

Finding a way to handle passive-aggressive behaviour that doesn’t make you seem like a jerk can be tricky.

You’re probably familiar with passive-aggressive behaviour, even if you don’t recognize it for what it is. It’s rampant on social media. I’m sure you’ve seen the posts and comments on Facebook that are obviously showing hostility, albeit through the veil of a smile. “You usually look tired in your pictures, but you look nice in this one.” Jeez, thanks, aunt Judy.
“Intelligence is sexy” t-shirt?!

Usually, the passive-aggressive person says something with a hint of rudeness to it as a response to conflict they are avoiding. Combine that with a feeling of powerlessness and helplessness, and you have the recipe for an internal power struggle that results in passive-aggressive behaviour.

I remember one instance when I was out shopping for a sweater with a co-worker of mine who was up for the same promotion I was. After making the mistake of asking her opinion on one of my selections, she responded with, “It looks like your diet might not be working. Maybe if you try a size up you’ll be more comfortable.” Said sweetly, with a smile, of course. I’m not certain she was really concerned with my health, or my level of comfort. What was really going on was she wanted me to initiate conflict so she could release her anger and frustration.

These are verbal signs of classic passive-aggressive behaviour, but there are other ways people exhibit this as well. When someone gives you the silent treatment, is intentionally late, doesn’t do what is asked of them, or withholds intimacy, they are also being passive-aggressive.

So how do we handle this type of frustrating behaviour without coming across like a jerk?

1. Stay focused on the current moment.

It’s easy to fall for the trap of bringing up all the other times they’ve acted like this, but don’t do it. Stay in the now.

So they said something that hurt your feelings or made you angry. Don’t contribute to the endless cycle of passive-aggressive behaviour by reliving the numerous other times they did the exact same thing.

Instead, focus on what they said in this instance and let them know how they made you feel. These people act like this because they are avoiding something. If you avoid the issue of their passive-aggressive behaviour, you’re only contributing to the cycle.

2. Use “I” instead of “you” when expressing yourself.

When we say things like “you do this” or “you make me feel this way” it comes off accusatory, and defense mode is engaged. You want to deflect aggression, not trigger it.

Use phrasing that incorporates the use of “I.” As in, “I feel hurt when things are said about my weight,” or “I prefer if remarks like that weren’t made.”

3. Make it clear that there are consequences for their actions.

You should probably expect them to deny ever doing anything wrong, or they’ll make excuses for their behaviour. Regardless of what tactics they try to deploy, stand your ground and respond accordingly.

If this is the third time you’ve invited John to join you and your friends for drinks, and he says yes but never shows up, then it’s time to instill some consequences. Kindly let John know that if you invite him in the future, and he says he will be there, then he needs to show up. Otherwise, someone else will be asked in his place, and he probably won’t be given much consideration for future gatherings.

4. Understand that not everyone is going to be approachable.

Sometimes we need to weigh the pros and cons of confronting this type of behaviour.

If you work for someone who is passive-aggressive towards you, it might not be as beneficial for you to confront them as it would be for you to approach your friend. There are pros and cons to everything we do. While it might feel great to finally tell your boss how you feel about his snotty remarks, it probably won’t serve you very well in the long run. If they use sarcasm and “thank you for your hard work,” then you can respond with a genuine “you’re welcome.” That’s about as good as it gets in those situations.

Overall, be mindful of how you speak to others and pay attention to what triggers your frustration and anger. Acknowledge how you feel and process that information in the healthiest way you can.

Whatever you do, don’t hold on to it and let it stew in your mind. That’s how you end up being passive-aggressive.

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What It’s Like To Live With An Anxiety Disorder

Living with an anxiety disorder isn’t enjoyable for anyone, and most people don’t understand what it is like to be someone who has one.

I’d like to shed a little light on the subject, for those of you who do not understand what this illness is like:
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Without warning, worry begins to build and you feel that something just isn’t right. Things might be perfectly fine, but your mind will convince itself otherwise. It will tell you that your life is about to fall apart, then add a bit of fear to the mix. One minute, you are consumed with this single worry , and the next, it could be something completely different, yet equally threatening. Your mind is constantly switching back and forth between worries, and it will convince you that things are much worse than they truly are.

While all of this is going on in your mind, you are trying as hard as you can to remain calm and “just relax,” like your friends suggest…but it’s impossible. Then comes the depression. The depression that makes you wish you were someone else- someone who wasn’t so crazy and irrational at times. This is the worst part because it causes you to distance yourself from the world and everyone around you. It creates a barrier separating the rest of the world from you and your illness, and that loneliness causes fear. You’re too terrified to talk to your closest friends or loved ones about what you really need from them. And that makes you feel even worse….but you can’t help it.

The hardest part is trying to find peace during the depression stage. Most of the time, it reverts to worry and fear, which can keep you up all night. Then, because you spent all night worrying instead of sleeping, you are irritable and easily triggered, which makes people avoid you altogether. Avoidance, lack of sleep, worry, fear, anxiety- and once again depression rears its ugly head. It is an exhausting war with yourself that feels like it can’t be won.
22 Things People With Anxiety Want Their Friends To Know

There is something that everybody needs to understand about anxiety: you can’t control it.

No, having anxiety doesn’t mean you are crazy, and the last thing you need to hear is people telling you that you are acting mad.  Chances are, you’re well aware of how “crazy” you seem at times, and when people tell you such things it only makes your condition worse.

Anxiety happens at the most inconvenient times, and when it does, you only need three things: patience, understanding, and support. Eventually, the attack will pass and you will return to your usual self.

What people with anxiety really want you to understand, is that we are on the same team- it’s you and us versus the illness. We hate it just as much as you do, probably even more.

What’s the best thing you can do when we are having an attack? Listen. We need you to know that there are times we will need you to hold us close, and times when we need to be left alone. And yes, sometimes, the ones we love are the triggers for our attacks- don’t take it personally, anxiety doesn’t follow logic or rationale. Whatever you do, please don’t tell us to “calm down,” that we are “overreacting,” or that “worrying  won’t make anything better.” If we could turn off worrying like a switch, don’t you think we would have already done that?
Children Can Inherit Anxiety and Depression

When someone you love is experiencing an anxiety attack, try asking them what they need from you. In most cases, they know wheat they need to make things better, but are too afraid to ask. You have to let them know that you genuinely care, and want to help in any way that you can. You have to be okay with things, even if they don’t tel you anything, and just listen. Get to know their illness better, and you will understand more of what they are going through. Every anxiety disorder is different, but understanding that they have no control over their mind, and being there for that person can be therapeutic. When they they feel as though they have turned on themselves is when they need you the most.

By Raven Fon
Image credit: Janneke Cobb

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Einstein’s 100 Year Old Prediction Confirmed

Have you ever felt as if you were ahead of your time? Einstein was, and recently scientists were able to prove a key part of his theory of relativity.

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?  That is a question pondered by many and often used as a thought experiment.

Regardless of whether you look at that question from a philosophical or a scientific standpoint, it seems to be a matter of opinion that is still up for debate.

If we were to rephrase that question to make it match portions of Albert Einsteins general theory of relativity, it might then be stated as “If two black holes collide in a binary system with solar masses, can we detect the resulting gravitational waves from space on earth?”

Except that question is no longer up for debate. It has a definitive answer.

Yes.

For the first time we were able to detect the echoes of an event that took place more than 1.3 billion years ago.

Recently scientists at two separate Laser Interferometer Gravitationalwave Observatorys (LIGOs) were not only able to detect these gravitational waves, which are essentially ripples in the very fabric of spacetime, but they were able to pinpoint the source of their impact as somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere as well.

Black holes orbiting each other gradually lose energy while emitting these waves. As they lose this energy they are slowly and methodically drawn closer together over the course of billions of years. As the black holes continue to approach one another their speed builds as well and eventually reaches nearly half of the speed of light just before they collide and the two combine together to become one massive black hole.

When the mass of these black holes is thrown together, it converts a portion of that mass into energy which is emitted throughout the universe in a burst of gravitational waves which themselves cause tiny disturbances that effect both space and time as they pass through earth.

The implications of finally being able to detect these waves is astounding.

Einstein predicted these events one hundred years ago in his theory of general relativity. Even though Einstein didn’t believe in black holes and thought that gravitational waves were too weak to detect, the idea alone that the man was so far ahead of his time that it took technology one hundred years to catch up and confirm his theory is amazing. Even more amazing is the knowledge we will gain from this and how it opens up untold possibilities for understanding the origins and workings of gravity itself.

It’s uncharted territory really. Scientists will now be able to look at the universe from entirely different angles and explore the phenomenon of warped spacetime.

The best part is that it will herald countless new scientific breakthroughs in both physics and astrophysics, which ironically means I can’t stress the gravity of this event enough.

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