7 Signs Your Partner Is Ready to Commit

Falling in love is one of the greatest joys life has to offer. Most people look forward to settling down with their one true soulmate. Unfortunately, in our rush to fall head over heels, we may overestimate our partner’s affection and commitment. This is an error that’s bound to end in heartbreak.
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So, how do we protect ourselves from emotional disaster without blocking our hearts off from love? The answer is right in front of you. Observe your partner’s behavior. Listen to what they say. Read between the lines. What are they not saying? Do their actions align with their words? Be honest with yourself about what you see. Don’t clutch so tightly to a fantasy that you let the real thing pass you by.

So – is your partner ready for the long haul?

Here are seven ways you can tell:

Your partner says “I love you” in a casual context.

The ability to say these words in the course of everyday life shows certainty and comfort. Watch out for a partner who says it only in romantic situations. They might be using these words without meaning them, to meet your expectations and cultivate an amorous atmosphere. A partner who only says “I love you” in response to you saying it first may be unsure of their feelings. Look for sincerity and comfort in your partner’s declarations of affection.
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Your partner mentions building a family.

A person who asks how you feel about marriage and children is trying to envision a future with you. One who does not might not be ready to commit. They might also be afraid of scaring you off. Either way, it is likely that they feel your relationship is not yet at a point where they are looking towards a permanent commitment.

Your partner has introduced you to their family and friends.

This is a big step. If your significant other wants you to meet their inner circle, it is likely that they already see you as an important part of their life. They are committed to the relationship, and they are proud of the person you are. It also shows that they value their relationships with family members and close friends.

Your partner is willing to compromise.

When your significant other goes out of their way to make you happy, they are showing you that they value the relationship more than their own comfort. It also demonstrates a sense of maturity that is necessary in a long term commitment. Be sure to return this courtesy by making sacrifices of your own. This is good practice for marriage.

Your partner goes out of their way to spend time with you.

Time is our most strictly limited resource. Anyone can spend money on you, or shower you with compliments and praise. It takes a truly committed person to sacrifice their time for you. This is a sure sign that your partner is looking toward building a future together.
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Your partner asks lots of questions.

In a happy relationship, you and your significant other should strive to constantly learn more about one another. A partner who asks lots of questions is deeply interested in who you are. This shows curiosity, care, and affection. These qualities will keep your relationship alive.

Your partner likes to hold hands.

Non-sexual touching shows a level of fondness and comfort that goes beyond simple physical attraction. These little bits of contact deepen your emotional connection and keep you in sync with one another. If your partner likes to hold hands in public, they might be proud to show you off. They may also be nervous and looking to you for security. Either way, frequent hand holding is a very good sign.

“To say that one waits a lifetime for his soulmate to come around is a paradox. People eventually get sick of waiting, take a chance on someone, and by the art of commitment become soulmates, which takes a lifetime to perfect,” wrote  Criss Jami. Don’t wait for a perfect person. Choose someone who is imperfect, and build a perfect love. Just make sure they are committed to doing the same.

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4 Ways To Handle Passive-Aggressive Behaviour Without Being A Jerk

Finding a way to handle passive-aggressive behaviour that doesn’t make you seem like a jerk can be tricky.

You’re probably familiar with passive-aggressive behaviour, even if you don’t recognize it for what it is. It’s rampant on social media. I’m sure you’ve seen the posts and comments on Facebook that are obviously showing hostility, albeit through the veil of a smile. “You usually look tired in your pictures, but you look nice in this one.” Jeez, thanks, aunt Judy.
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Usually, the passive-aggressive person says something with a hint of rudeness to it as a response to conflict they are avoiding. Combine that with a feeling of powerlessness and helplessness, and you have the recipe for an internal power struggle that results in passive-aggressive behaviour.

I remember one instance when I was out shopping for a sweater with a co-worker of mine who was up for the same promotion I was. After making the mistake of asking her opinion on one of my selections, she responded with, “It looks like your diet might not be working. Maybe if you try a size up you’ll be more comfortable.” Said sweetly, with a smile, of course. I’m not certain she was really concerned with my health, or my level of comfort. What was really going on was she wanted me to initiate conflict so she could release her anger and frustration.

These are verbal signs of classic passive-aggressive behaviour, but there are other ways people exhibit this as well. When someone gives you the silent treatment, is intentionally late, doesn’t do what is asked of them, or withholds intimacy, they are also being passive-aggressive.

So how do we handle this type of frustrating behaviour without coming across like a jerk?

1. Stay focused on the current moment.

It’s easy to fall for the trap of bringing up all the other times they’ve acted like this, but don’t do it. Stay in the now.

So they said something that hurt your feelings or made you angry. Don’t contribute to the endless cycle of passive-aggressive behaviour by reliving the numerous other times they did the exact same thing.

Instead, focus on what they said in this instance and let them know how they made you feel. These people act like this because they are avoiding something. If you avoid the issue of their passive-aggressive behaviour, you’re only contributing to the cycle.

2. Use “I” instead of “you” when expressing yourself.

When we say things like “you do this” or “you make me feel this way” it comes off accusatory, and defense mode is engaged. You want to deflect aggression, not trigger it.

Use phrasing that incorporates the use of “I.” As in, “I feel hurt when things are said about my weight,” or “I prefer if remarks like that weren’t made.”

3. Make it clear that there are consequences for their actions.

You should probably expect them to deny ever doing anything wrong, or they’ll make excuses for their behaviour. Regardless of what tactics they try to deploy, stand your ground and respond accordingly.

If this is the third time you’ve invited John to join you and your friends for drinks, and he says yes but never shows up, then it’s time to instill some consequences. Kindly let John know that if you invite him in the future, and he says he will be there, then he needs to show up. Otherwise, someone else will be asked in his place, and he probably won’t be given much consideration for future gatherings.

4. Understand that not everyone is going to be approachable.

Sometimes we need to weigh the pros and cons of confronting this type of behaviour.

If you work for someone who is passive-aggressive towards you, it might not be as beneficial for you to confront them as it would be for you to approach your friend. There are pros and cons to everything we do. While it might feel great to finally tell your boss how you feel about his snotty remarks, it probably won’t serve you very well in the long run. If they use sarcasm and “thank you for your hard work,” then you can respond with a genuine “you’re welcome.” That’s about as good as it gets in those situations.

Overall, be mindful of how you speak to others and pay attention to what triggers your frustration and anger. Acknowledge how you feel and process that information in the healthiest way you can.

Whatever you do, don’t hold on to it and let it stew in your mind. That’s how you end up being passive-aggressive.

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What It’s Like To Live With An Anxiety Disorder

Living with an anxiety disorder isn’t enjoyable for anyone, and most people don’t understand what it is like to be someone who has one.

I’d like to shed a little light on the subject, for those of you who do not understand what this illness is like:
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Without warning, worry begins to build and you feel that something just isn’t right. Things might be perfectly fine, but your mind will convince itself otherwise. It will tell you that your life is about to fall apart, then add a bit of fear to the mix. One minute, you are consumed with this single worry , and the next, it could be something completely different, yet equally threatening. Your mind is constantly switching back and forth between worries, and it will convince you that things are much worse than they truly are.

While all of this is going on in your mind, you are trying as hard as you can to remain calm and “just relax,” like your friends suggest…but it’s impossible. Then comes the depression. The depression that makes you wish you were someone else- someone who wasn’t so crazy and irrational at times. This is the worst part because it causes you to distance yourself from the world and everyone around you. It creates a barrier separating the rest of the world from you and your illness, and that loneliness causes fear. You’re too terrified to talk to your closest friends or loved ones about what you really need from them. And that makes you feel even worse….but you can’t help it.

The hardest part is trying to find peace during the depression stage. Most of the time, it reverts to worry and fear, which can keep you up all night. Then, because you spent all night worrying instead of sleeping, you are irritable and easily triggered, which makes people avoid you altogether. Avoidance, lack of sleep, worry, fear, anxiety- and once again depression rears its ugly head. It is an exhausting war with yourself that feels like it can’t be won.
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There is something that everybody needs to understand about anxiety: you can’t control it.

No, having anxiety doesn’t mean you are crazy, and the last thing you need to hear is people telling you that you are acting mad.  Chances are, you’re well aware of how “crazy” you seem at times, and when people tell you such things it only makes your condition worse.

Anxiety happens at the most inconvenient times, and when it does, you only need three things: patience, understanding, and support. Eventually, the attack will pass and you will return to your usual self.

What people with anxiety really want you to understand, is that we are on the same team- it’s you and us versus the illness. We hate it just as much as you do, probably even more.

What’s the best thing you can do when we are having an attack? Listen. We need you to know that there are times we will need you to hold us close, and times when we need to be left alone. And yes, sometimes, the ones we love are the triggers for our attacks- don’t take it personally, anxiety doesn’t follow logic or rationale. Whatever you do, please don’t tell us to “calm down,” that we are “overreacting,” or that “worrying  won’t make anything better.” If we could turn off worrying like a switch, don’t you think we would have already done that?
Children Can Inherit Anxiety and Depression

When someone you love is experiencing an anxiety attack, try asking them what they need from you. In most cases, they know wheat they need to make things better, but are too afraid to ask. You have to let them know that you genuinely care, and want to help in any way that you can. You have to be okay with things, even if they don’t tel you anything, and just listen. Get to know their illness better, and you will understand more of what they are going through. Every anxiety disorder is different, but understanding that they have no control over their mind, and being there for that person can be therapeutic. When they they feel as though they have turned on themselves is when they need you the most.

By Raven Fon
Image credit: Janneke Cobb

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Einstein’s 100 Year Old Prediction Confirmed

Have you ever felt as if you were ahead of your time? Einstein was, and recently scientists were able to prove a key part of his theory of relativity.

If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?  That is a question pondered by many and often used as a thought experiment.

Regardless of whether you look at that question from a philosophical or a scientific standpoint, it seems to be a matter of opinion that is still up for debate.

If we were to rephrase that question to make it match portions of Albert Einsteins general theory of relativity, it might then be stated as “If two black holes collide in a binary system with solar masses, can we detect the resulting gravitational waves from space on earth?”

Except that question is no longer up for debate. It has a definitive answer.

Yes.

For the first time we were able to detect the echoes of an event that took place more than 1.3 billion years ago.

Recently scientists at two separate Laser Interferometer Gravitationalwave Observatorys (LIGOs) were not only able to detect these gravitational waves, which are essentially ripples in the very fabric of spacetime, but they were able to pinpoint the source of their impact as somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere as well.

Black holes orbiting each other gradually lose energy while emitting these waves. As they lose this energy they are slowly and methodically drawn closer together over the course of billions of years. As the black holes continue to approach one another their speed builds as well and eventually reaches nearly half of the speed of light just before they collide and the two combine together to become one massive black hole.

When the mass of these black holes is thrown together, it converts a portion of that mass into energy which is emitted throughout the universe in a burst of gravitational waves which themselves cause tiny disturbances that effect both space and time as they pass through earth.

The implications of finally being able to detect these waves is astounding.

Einstein predicted these events one hundred years ago in his theory of general relativity. Even though Einstein didn’t believe in black holes and thought that gravitational waves were too weak to detect, the idea alone that the man was so far ahead of his time that it took technology one hundred years to catch up and confirm his theory is amazing. Even more amazing is the knowledge we will gain from this and how it opens up untold possibilities for understanding the origins and workings of gravity itself.

It’s uncharted territory really. Scientists will now be able to look at the universe from entirely different angles and explore the phenomenon of warped spacetime.

The best part is that it will herald countless new scientific breakthroughs in both physics and astrophysics, which ironically means I can’t stress the gravity of this event enough.

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Night Owls And Late Risers Aren’t Lazy, They’re Actually Smart And Creative

Recent studies suggest if you prefer to stay up late, and stay in bed even later, you’re not exhibiting “laziness,” you’re showing signs of intelligence and creativity.

Despite being told from a young age that you should go to bed at a decent time, and get up early in the morning, there are some pretty interesting scientific facts that shine a positive light on the habits of night owls.
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Satoshi Kanazawa, from the Department of Psychology at University College London, conducted a study that discovered a connection between intelligence and adaptive behaviors. Kanazawa said these behaviours are “evolutionarily novel,” meaning they differ from what our ancestors did.

He wrote that regular nocturnal activities were most likely a rare occurrence with our ancestors, and so staying up late and sleeping in are therefore “evolutionarily novel.”

The study‘s hypothesis was that “more intelligent individuals are more likely to be nocturnal than less intelligent individuals.” The analysis of the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health confirms the prediction.

Via study

Using the data from the graph above, as well as evidence from the study, Kanazawa concluded that “More intelligent children are more likely to grow up to be nocturnal adults who go to bed late and wake up late on both weekdays and weekends.”

Research was also conducted at the University of Madrid last year that examined the sleeping patterns of approximately 1,000 teenagers. The study required to participants to perform inductive reasons tests, which are related to general intelligence, and found that night owls scored higher than early birds.
Are Foul-Mouthed, Messy Night Owls the True Geniuses?

However, the teens who stayed awake till the wee hours received grades 8% lower in class than their morning-riser counterparts. This might be because night-oriented teens have difficulty kicking their brain into gear early in the morning , which is when high school tends to be in session.

We’re not done yet, there’s more interesting research from the Catholic University of the Sacred Heart in Milan.

ABC Science reported on the study, which asked 120 men and women of different ages to fill out a survey asking if they were more of night or morning person.

Then, the participants were asked to complete a series of 3 tests to measure creative thinking and problem solving. The tests were scored on how original the answers were, as well as how elaborate, fluid and flexible. According to what they found, “evening types aced each test based on these criteria, while morning and intermediate type people struggled to get scores over 50.”

Head author of the study, Marina Giampietro, believes this creativity stems from “the development of a non-conventional spirit and of the ability to find alternative and original solutions.”
4 Reasons Science says Night Owls are Smarter than Early Birds

According to Elite Daily:

“It’s all about what you’re doing with the time you have. Yes, early birds might be more productive, but late risers are more creative.

Early risers take advantage of those morning hours to do mundane activities like go to the gym, make coffee and get to work early, but it’s the late sleepers who really take advantage of the night — the special time to create and invent something new.”

By Raven Fon

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9 Things Financially Successful People Do Differently

How is it that the rich always seem to be getting richer, while the poor tend to stay poor? Some of it is certainly a result of the way our society works. Some people start off at an advantage, and others have more roadblocks to overcome. We all do the best we can with what we’ve got.
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For some, though, their best is simply better than the rest of us.

Wealthy people – whether self-made or inherited – tend to share some common good habits that keep them at the top.

Here are nine things that rich people do differently. These habits keep their cash flow both growing and safe:

1. They invest in education.

Wealthy people put a high value on lifelong learning. They often pursue advanced degrees and certifications. They stay on top of current events in their field, as well as worldwide economic news. They develop a strong understanding of political issues, especially as they relate to their financial interests. They look beyond the education required for their job, often supplementing their work by attending seminars, conferences, and conventions.

2. They go above and beyond.

People who are successful at work are the ones who arrive early and stay late. They commit themselves to professional development. They make an intentional effort to grow their network. They are eager to take on extra projects, and they enjoy helping others to succeed as well. These are the people who stand out when the opportunity for a promotion comes up. People who do the bare minimum rarely get ahead.

3. Their financial savings plans span their entire life.

My friend’s father grew up in relative poverty. Despite this, he built tremendous financial success for himself and his family. He remembers always saving at least ten percent of his paycheck – even as a teenager washing dishes for minimum wage. Compound interest is a beautiful thing. The earlier you start saving, the more you will benefit from doing so. Start a retirement fund before you turn thirty.

4. They contribute new ideas.

Successful people make themselves indispensable by continuously adding value to their environment. They do not coast off the ideas of others. They do not simply follow directions and go home when the clock runs out. They improve upon existing processes and create new products.

5. They are passionate about their work.

It is hard to go above and beyond if you do not love what you are doing. This is a recipe for burnout. Successful people are deeply invested in their line of work. They care about the outcome, and put their heart and soul into their business. This fuels the long hours and hard work that might hold others back.
Great Managers Achieve by Engaging: Four Ways to Inspire Workplace Success

6. They take responsibility for their own success.

Successful people do not blame others when they fail. They do not let outside circumstances prevent them from reaching their goals. If a success-oriented person wants a college degree, they do not complain that their parents can’t foot the cost. They seek out scholarships. They work part-time. They take out loans, and work hard to repay them promptly. They create success for themselves, regardless of their circumstances.

7. They refuse to fall victim to debt.

Wealthy people quickly learn the difference between good debt and bad debt. Good debt, such as a mortgage or an educational loan, is an investment. Bad debt, such as high interest car loans and missed credit card payments, will eat up your net worth. Successful people take on minimal debt, and do so with the utmost care. Then, they work to pay it off quickly to avoid unnecessary interest payments.

8. They sacrifice and compromise.

Most wealthy people are very frugal in their daily lives. They do not waste money on fancy cars or expensive cups of coffee. Instead, they invest in things that accrue value over time, like real estate. They save their splurges for things that truly bring them joy.

9. They don’t waste time.

Time is your most precious and strictly limited resource. Successful people know to use it wisely. Harness your free time to enrich your life. Take a class, pursue an extra project for work, or learn to invest your money. Using your free time in a productive way is one of the most intelligent things you can do.

As Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.” Wealth is a wonderful thing, but the satisfaction of having earned it is even more so. Be responsible with your money and ambitious with your work. The monetary reward will fall second to your sense of pride in your achievements.

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Don’t Ignore These 20 Signs of Emotional Abuse

Some abusers break you down from the outside in. They leave visible bruises and inflict tangible wounds. The signs of violence are physical. You can see them with your eyes and touch them with your fingertips.
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Others will choose to destroy you from the inside out.

It is easy to slip into denial and rationalization in a physically abusive relationship. It’s even easier when the scars can not be seen from the outside. Emotional abuse is insidious because it is easy to hide and even easier to deny. Many do not become aware of emotional abuse until it has already destroyed them.

Emotional abuse has been proven to cause as much psychological damage as physical and sexual violence. However, it is harder to stop because it is harder to identify. If you or someone you love is a victim of emotional abuse, it is important to seek help.

These twenty behaviors might indicate that your partner is emotionally abusive:

1. You are constantly accused of things you didn’t do. You avoid healthy activities for fear that your partner will misinterpret your motives.
2. You are not allowed to see certain friends or family members as often as you would like to.
3. Your partner will not allow you to control your own finances.
4. When your partner suggests that you do something, you do not feel safe saying no.
5. Your partner decides what is best for you. This applies to your career, your clothing, and how you spend your time.
6. When your partner is upset, it always seems to be your fault.
7. You do not feel safe poking fun at your partner in the same way they poke fun at you.
8. You are always wrong, and your partner is always right.
9. You feel guilty for doing anything that does not involve your partner.
10. Your partner checks up on you often. They demand to know where you are and who you are with at all times.
11. Your partner often implies that you are the lucky one in the relationship. You feel as though you are beneath them.
12. Your ambitions and accomplishments are not taken seriously. They are secondary to your partner’s.
13. Your partner withholds affection, money, or quality time to punish you.
14. When you are upset, your partner tells you that it is your own fault for being too sensitive.
15. Your secrets and sexual encounters are not safe with your partner. They tell and show things to others that you meant to remain private.
16. You are criticized constantly, often in front of friends and family.
17. Your partner dismisses your feelings and opinions. You are expected to adopt theirs.
18. Your partner often brings up things that you are embarrassed or ashamed of.
19. You fear you partner’s disapproval.
20. You rarely make decisions without your partner’s input. Even if you strongly disagree, you usually defer to their wishes.

Lundy Bancroft examined the dynamics of abusive relationships in his book Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men. “The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps,” he observed, “but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.” Do not dismiss your wounds simply because they are not physical. You deserve respect, self-esteem, and autonomy. These are more easily found alone than with a partner who demeans you.

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