The Infinite Wisdom of Morgan Freeman

Chances are, you know exactly who Morgan Freeman is. In the business of show business, there are very few awards that he hasn’t won. His voice is one of the most recognizable voices in the world. In fact, if I had the money I’m pretty sure I would hire him to narrate my life for at least a day. Freeman is a rare talent, one that we have been blessed with for more than 30 years. One thing that has alway amazed me about Morgan Freeman is his love for his work and his outlook on life. The other day I came across a quote that I found was attributed to Freeman that said, “I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away the part of you that knows it was a win to lock them up does rejoice.” That simple sentiment touched me, so I decided to put together some of the best quotes from “The Golden Actor” himself:
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“The best way to guarantee a loss is to quit.”

“When you have made your choice, it is providence that is your guide. Good, bad, or indifferent. Your fate lies in that.”

“I only get one life, and I will not let Fibromyalgia take the joy from living it.”

“We humans are more concerned with having than with being.”

“How do we change the world? One random act of kindness at a time.”
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“I always tell my kids if you lay down, people will step over you. But if you keep scrambling, if you keep going, someone will always, always give you a hand. Always. But you gotta keep dancing, you gotta keep your feet moving.”

“I can say that life is good to me. Has been and is good. So I think my task is to be good to it. So how do you be good to life? You live it.”

“Learning how to be still, to really be still and let life happen – that stillness becomes a radiance.”

“And some places you been before are so great that you don’t ever mind going back. Some places you been before you don’t ever want to go back, you know, like Montreal in the Winter.”

“People need to start to think about the messages that they send in the movies.”
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“One of the things you can always depend on – this is one of the truths of the universe, and you heard it first from here – whatever we decide we want to do is what we do.”

“Attacking people with disabilities is the lowest display of power I can think of.”

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How to Recognize and Neutralize Manipulation in Your Life

By some seemingly innocent flaw in human nature, we are all susceptible to manipulation in our lives. There are people who just read that sentence, jabbed their fingers into their chests, and cried “not me!” Yes, you too. Manipulation comes in as many forms as there are consequences of that manipulation. It’s nearly unavoidable. The good news is that we don’t have to go through life like a pliable mound of clay under the rough hands of the people that set out to manipulate us. The key here, much like getting rid of a common pest, is to recognize and neutralize.
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Recognize

The first step to recognizing manipulation is to identify its many forms. Some are subtle. Some are, quite literally, like a slap in the face.

Flattery

Flattery is one of the most common forms of manipulation that a lot of us encounter. Commonly referred to as “buttering someone up”, this form of manipulation sneaks into our minds because who doesn’t like being complimented.

Guilt

Guilt is the other most common form of manipulation that a lot of people encounter. When someone makes you feel bad about something to get you to change your actions, that is manipulation in its purest form.

Projection

When people constantly point out your flaws, despite all of their own flaws, they manipulate you into doubting or disliking yourself. It’s manipulation in the form of breaking you down. This includes just about every form of hypocrisy known to man. By pointing out your flaws and making you feel worthless, someone can manipulate you into thinking they are better than you are.
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Gaslighting

I recently wrote about the phenomenon of “gaslighting” because it is one of the more dangerous forms of manipulation that we face. Gaslighting is when someone changes your reality by questioning your perspective. It can make you doubt yourself and your own sanity.

Bullying

Bullying is one of the more dramatic forms of manipulation. Bullying doesn’t always have to be physical, either. Emotional and verbal bullying are just as prevalent as physical bullying, if not more so. Bullying is intended to make you think that someone has power over you or is simply more powerful than you are.

Neutralize

So if you recognize manipulation, how do you neutralize it?

Promote Empathy

In most forms of manipulation, empathy can be an effective tool. Express your side of the story. Welcome someone to walk a mile in your shoes so that they can see where you are coming from. You’ll find that the people in your life who are set on manipulating you for some form of personal gain will rarely ever take your suggestion. They will, however, generally drop the argument. By simply implying that you understand what they are trying to do and trying to present your side of the argument, they know that their game is up.

Trust your Gut

Instincts exist for a reason. If you think that someone is being too nice to you, chances are – they are. Trusting your gut instincts when it comes to the actions of other people is a matter of experience. If something seems too good to be true, trust that feeling.

Stand Up for Yourself

The number one thing you can do in the face of obvious manipulation like guilt trips, projection, or bullying is to stand up for yourself. Most of the more dramatic forms of manipulation are centered around someone trying to establish power over you. Take that power away. Call them out on their BS. Let’s say you have a friend that likes to bring up something dumb you did one time, that they do all the time – call them on it. It only takes once. The same goes for bullies – the second you stand up for yourself, they realize that they have no power over you. Standing up for yourself is one of the most powerful things anyone can do for themselves.

Detach

If all else fails, you just need to separate yourself from the manipulative influences in your life. Some people are easier to get away from than others, but the end result is the same: they will continue to try to manipulate you as long as you give them the chance. Walking away from a casual acquaintance isn’t quite like walking away from a relative – even if they are both equally as manipulative. Either way, no one needs someone in their lives whose sole purpose is to try to influence your actions through means of manipulation.

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5 Thing to Expect when you Take Ownership of Your Life

In a recent conversation, I made the comment, “I really do think Tyler Durden had it right.” Of course, I looked back into the blank stares of the people around me trying to figure out the point I was working my way toward making. I am a firm believer that at some point we have to reach down and take ownership of our lives. We’re too worried about what people think, how they will react, how they feel, how they will judge us. It’s like we rent out space in our lives for the opinions of others to be the foundation for how we feel about ourselves. Example: I read an article the other day about a woman who was an “Instagram celebrity” complaining about how her whole life was fake and she lost touch with who she was because she was worried about people liking her. I’m sorry, you created a life based on lies and opinions of complete strangers, and now we are supposed to feel sorry for you? Nope. Life is what you make of it, and by taking ownership of your existence you are basically taking the steering wheel on the journey of your life. You’ll find that as you wrestle the control that we give to the people in our lives away from them, you’ll start to see changes in your life:
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You’ll Take More Risks

I promise you that there are risks in your life that you don’t take because you are worried about what people think about you. Let’s say you obediently jump head first into the rat race every day to provide yourself with a stable, secure existence – yet in your heart, you just want to do something crazy like sell your possessions and buy a food truck to make the best cupcakes on the planet. Taking risks is the spice of life. If you’re holding yourself back from that flying leap because of things like a fear of explaining yourself to family or friends, you’re allowing their opinions to dictate how you live.
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You’ll Be Fulfilled

When you’re doing what it is that you love to do, despite what anyone thinks about you, fulfillment is basically automatic. Sure, there may be people who doubt what you are doing. It’s just like walking against the flow of the crowds around you, but sometimes you just have to go against the grain to get where you want to be. If what you are doing makes you happy, who is anyone to doubt you?

You’ll Have Better Friends and Relationships

Look around your group of friends and think about how many of them would support you no matter what. Think about how many of them are friends with you just because you go along with the flow. At the first sign of independence, you’ll figure out who your real friends actually are. The friends that keep you around because you are a round peg in the round hole of the group of friends you run around with won’t tolerate a square peg. Your real friends won’t judge you or doubt you. They don’t care if you are a square peg. They like you for who you are, not because you simply fit in.
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You’ll Grow as a Person

A huge aspect of personal development is loving who you are as a person. There is one person that has to look in the mirror every day and appreciate what they see: YOU. When you quit worrying about other people think you free yourself up to become the person that you want to ultimately be. Example: I have a friend that wanted to get in shape and really wanted to try yoga. She was so worried about what the other people in the class would think about her as a novice kept her from trying it. Finally, she quit worrying about that people would think about her, and went to her first yoga class. 4 years later she is teaching that class.

You’ll Ultimately Be Happier

In the end, when you walk away from the pitfalls of what everyone else thinks about you, and you really focus on what makes you happy as a person – you’ll be happier. Isn’t that end result we all look for? Quit worrying about what makes everyone else happy, take ownership of who you are, and love your life for YOU. People are entitled to their opinions and always will be. The difference is: you don’t have to wear those opinions like shackles. Ask yourself: “In 6 months will that opinion matter? In 6 minutes will that opinion matter?” You’ll be amazed at how often the realistic answer is NO. You get one ride on the roller coaster of life, make it YOURS.

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Why You Need a Dog

Dogs are fantastic. It’s been not only widely acknowledged, but scientifically proven, that dogs make us happy. A study published in the journal Society & Animals found that dog owners reported more laughter per day than cat owners or people who had no pets. However, research shows that they provide more than just a boost to our morale. Having a dog, scientists say, can benefit our mental, social, and physical health.
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Dogs help our bodies.

Studies have shown that children who grow up with dogs, in addition to producing thousands of adorable pictures, are at a decreased risk for asthma and infection. Scientists attribute this to the changes in gut microbes that canine cohabitation can stimulate. Specially trained therapy dogs can also alert their owners to an oncoming seizure or an irregular spike or drop in blood sugar. Additionally, dogs can keep us healthy on a more everyday level. According to a 2010 study, elderly people who walked with dogs were more likely than those who walked other humans to engage in regular exercise. They also showed more improvement in fitness over the course of the experiment. This could be why dog owners have been found to have a decreased risk of heart disease.
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Dogs help our minds.

The hormone oxytocin is crucial to our happiness and ability to bond. One study determined that dog owners, after gazing into their dog’s eyes, experienced elevated levels of this hormone. Other studies have shown that owning a dog increases our self-esteem – although, anyone who has ever seen a dog greet their owner after a long day of work could probably have told you that! These factors, as well as the entertainment and unconditional love that dogs provide, can help to alleviate depression and reduce stress as well.

Dogs help our relationships.

Stephen Zawistowski, a science adviser at the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, explains that dogs see their owners as fellow members of their pack and, therefore, form an incredibly close bond with them. Other studies confirm that pets, in their own right, can be a great source of social support. This relationship, as any dog owner will tell you, is incredibly special and beneficial in hundreds of ways. However, dog ownership can also promote healthy relationships with other humans. Dogs need to socialize, and bringing your pet on a walk or to a dog park can be a great way to meet other people with similar interests.
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In one study, elderly patients who owned dogs were found to be more satisfied with their physical, social, and emotional health than those who did not. When considering the findings above, this is no wonder! If you have been thinking about getting a dog, but are still not convinced, consider fostering to adopt. This can be a great way to either give a sweet canine a temporary home, or, hopefully, find yourself a new best friend!

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New Research Confirms You Shouldn’t Spank Your Kids

Convincing children to behave themselves is challenging and exhausting business. Everyone seems to have a different method that they swear by, and none of them seem to be truly, one hundred percent effective. Every child is different, after all, and responds in a unique way to each type of punishment.
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Spanking is the most divisive and controversial form of discipline used today. Some mothers consider it child abuse, while others consider it a necessary tool in teaching right from wrong. The latest research study from UT-Austin supports the former group’s point of view. Their research concluded that spanking fails to provide any of the positive short-term or long-term results that parents hope for, such as increased obedience, self-discipline, and strength of character. Even more troubling, it was found to cause a myriad of unintended negative consequences.

This study examined the results of spanking over fifty years of research involving over 160,000 children. For their analysis, spanking was limited to an “open-handed hit on the behind or extremities”. In the parenting community, this would be considered firmly in the “discipline” category, far from abuse. Yet, it resulted in an increased risk of anti-social behavior, aggression, mental health problems and cognitive difficulties. Surprisingly, it also resulted in children being more likely to defy their parents than those who had not been spanked.

According to previous studies, spanking reduces the grey matter in the brain, which can cause cognitive impairment and long-term developmental difficulties. Furthermore, when you strike a child, you are teaching them by example that physical violence is a valid way to solve problems. Unlike spanking, teaching by example has been shown to be tremendously effective.

You are also showing them that someone they love (you) may hurt them physically, and on purpose. You are breaking the trust they had in you, and shattering their belief that you will always protect them from harm – even if you believe you are doing just that. This, coupled with the inherently violent nature of spanking, could explain why spanking has long been found to promote aggressive behavior.
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“This is a wide swath of children and the findings are incredibly consistent,” study author Dr. Elizabeth Gershoff told CBS News. “This shows there is a correlation between spanking and negative outcomes and absolutely no correlation between spanking and positive outcomes…People think if you don’t spank you’re a pushover, but you can be a firm parent with high expectations for your children. You don’t have to hit them to show you have power.”

Each parent is entitled to make their own decisions regarding discipline. However, the next time you find yourself saying “this hurts me more than it hurts you,” I would urge you to think twice about that statement. This research suggests that it just might not be true.

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“Gaslighting”: One of the Most Dangerous Forms of Mental Manipulation We All Deal With

The universe can be a funny place sometimes. I’ve been doing a lot of research about a form of mental abuse that a lot of us are not only susceptible to, but actually deal with every single day. It is one of those things that we don’t even realize is happening to us, we just see the results: self-doubt, diminished self-esteem, and reduced self-worth. The world has a way of beating even the best of us down from time to time but this specific form of manipulation is one that can be identified and removed from our day-to-day existence.
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Planted Seeds of Doubt

Back in 1938, there was a play called “Gas Light” that was later adapted into a movie in 1944. In the story, a husband works diligently to convince his wife and their acquaintances that she is insane by making very small and subtle changes to their environment. When the wife would point out the changes, the husband convinced her that she was wrong about the changes and that she was crazy. Slowly but surely, the wife starts to give in to the self-doubt created by those subtle changes, namely a gas lamp that the husband keeps dimming, hence the term “gaslighting”.
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Our Perception is Our Reality

In the play, the key was the husband’s ability to alter the wife’s perception of reality. She saw the lamp as being dimmer and the husband assures her that it is not. He made he doubt her perception, and therefore her reality. It is a form of mental abuse that people too often don’t even realize what is happening to them. For the perpetrator, the ability to control the victim’s own perceptions of themselves and the things around them allows them to control the victim themselves. In reality, it happens every single day. It’s all around us. How many advertisements do you see that claim that using their product will somehow enhance your life? That’s a mild form of gaslighting. You are made to think that some aspect of you or your life is incomplete. You are made to DOUBT yourself. Further, you are made to think that whatever product is being peddled is the solution to what is supposedly lacking in your life.

Gaslighting in our Lives

The specific situation that inspired this article involved one of the most beautiful and amazing women I have ever known dealing with a break up from a man that never deserved to be with her in the first place. I explained to her that there are people in our lives who will try to break us down to be on their level . So, what is the answer to gaslighting?

Maintaining your own reality through your own perceptions.

I’ll tell you now, the same thing I told her:
You see, my friend, there are people in this world who will look at a unicorn and think to themselves, “woah, that is a unicorn, which is something I will never be.” They will try to convince you, the unicorn, that you are just an average horse like them with a weird growth on your head that you should probably get checked out by some kind of medical professional that deals with head growths. They will try to steal your magic and make you as dull and ordinary as the plain, old horses that they are. Because they need you to be a plain, old horse like they are, just to bring you down to their level…
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As we’ve established: you are not just a plain,old horse. You are not a fast race horse. You aren’t even one of those fancy British horses that those chicks in those hot pant/knee-high boot getups use to jump over stuff…

You are a Unicorn. Despite what anyone else says. You are one in 7.4 billion, and that is a beautiful thing.

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Unplug Your Kids: Why Tech-Free Time Is So Important For Adolescents

In an increasingly-connected world, it can be difficult to get young adults to understand the benefits of disconnecting from time to time. Research has shown, however, in multiple studies across a variety of populations accounting for a number of variables, that unplugging is essential to the healthy growth and development of adolescents. Here’s why
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Disconnecting Actually Reconnects

Research shows that disconnecting from smartphones, tablets and other technological means of connecting increases real connections in the physical world. When kids aren’t distracted by the screen in their hands, they are more likely to notice and participate in their surroundings. This encourages the development of healthy social skills.

Furthermore, studies suggest that when kids spend time in nature, they are more likely to socialize and create connections between other people. Nature-specific group walks have proven an excellent means of teaching teenagers typically plugged into the electronic world the importance of making unplugging a priority.

Developing Time Management Skills

For adolescents, developing effective time management skills is essential to success: academic and extracurricular success during school, and the groundwork for successful career skills. Time management and prioritization are skills essential in every career path. Research shows that kids who learn these skills in adolescence are more likely to implement them as adults.

While technology is incredibly important in our ever-connected world, knowing when to shut it off is just as important as knowing how to use it effectively. It’s a near-certainty that your employer will make the tech you need to do your job well available to you, but it’s up to you to determine when to use it and when to shut it down. Certainly, tech as a workplace distraction is also a well-studied problem. Effective time management skills help to curb this.
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Getting Better Sleep

High-quality sleep is essential at every stage of life, but for the developing adolescent mind it is especially crucial. Study after study has shown the effects of blue light on circadian rhythms and sleep deprivation. Additionally, exposure to electronics may interfere with the nervous system, adding another layer of problems to falling and staying asleep.

Tried-and-true methods such as no electronics an hour or so before bedtime, establishment of a standard bedtime routine, and having a fairly dark, quiet place to sleep are important environmental factors that also contribute to kids getting better sleep. Having electronics in the bedroom can impact their effectiveness.

Impacts on Creativity, Productivity, and the Body

The effects of technology on creativity and productivity have been well-studied in adolescents. Research published by The Wilderness Society has shown that time spent outdoors, away from technology, helps boost creativity as well as strengthen efficiency at work. “[I]nteracting with nature has real, measurable benefits to creative problem-solving that really hadn’t been formally demonstrated before,” says David Strayer, who co-authored the study.
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Electronics also take a physical toll. Problems such as “tech neck” are especially harmful to developing adolescents. Heavy use of smartphones have pronounced physical impacts on the human body, and these effects are compounded in adolescents.

In Conclusion

The important take-away here is that banning the use of technology isn’t particularly effective: your child will likely just rebel, or become -understandably- angry if you remove their main form of communication. Not to mention that if you use your smartphone as much as most users, you look terrifically hypocritical. It does give you a great opportunity, however, to help your child learn time-management techniques and open them up to the gorgeousness of the natural world, simply by choosing to tune out the technological one.

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