Experts Compare Period Pain to a Heart Attack

There are lots of things that are unfair about being a woman. We are consistently paid less, our parenting decisions are judged more harshly, and we are tasked with the unenviable biological work of pregnancy and birth. Often overlooked among these indignities is the physical pain that each of us endures on a monthly basis. I am talking, of course, about our periods.
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Women are often accused of being overly dramatic about menstrual discomfort, and everything else. However, recent research confirms that the level of pain most women experience during their period is actually comparable to what a man endures when he has a heart attack. Yes, an actual heart attack. This could be why women are less likely to recognize heart attack symptoms, and more likely to die as a result. To us, that level of “discomfort” is old news.

Not that any of that matters, because the doctor probably wouldn’t take our “discomfort” seriously anyway. Underlying this new research is a more insidious problem regarding women and pain. Women’s physical pain is regularly underestimated by medical professionals, and not taken seriously to the point that it has become a major health risk. Although women are often viewed as being more sensitive to pain due to misogynistic stereotypes, when it comes to actual doctor’s visits it would seem that chivalry is dead. While men wait an average of 49 minutes to be treated for acute abdominal pain, women are expected to wait an average of 65 minutes for the same exact thing.

The next time your wife asks you to hurry home with a box of tampons, a heating pad, and some painkillers, don’t roll your eyes. Bow down to the courageous and strong warrior goddess that you have married. Get her some ice cream and chick flicks, too, and watch the kids while she soaks in a hot bubble bath. She’d do the same for you if you had just endured a heart attack, no?

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The 10 Worst Parts of a New Relationship

When we think of new love, our minds often recall feelings of first date butterflies, first kiss fireworks, and pancakes in bed after a wild and wonderful first night together. It’s easy to forget the awkward and terrible road bumps that it takes to get there. Don’t worry though – I’m here to remind you.
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Here are the top ten worst things about a new relationship:

1. Meeting your partner’s friends and family.

It’s hard to be yourself when you’re sweating bullets and second-guessing your every move.

2. Defining the relationship.

Fun fact: this is the most uncomfortable topic of conversation known to man. It is also entirely necessary.

3. Your first fight.

It’s awful and it’s inevitable. Try to fight fair.
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4. Fitting in personal maintenance.

Exercise, sleep, and healthy eating can easily fall to the wayside when you want to spend every second with your new beau. Don’t let these slide though – you’ll regret it.

5. Struggling to maintain your own identity.

Nobody wants to be a boyfriend chameleon, and nobody wants to date one, either. The same goes for women.

6. Letting your guard down.

 We’re all on our best behavior on the first date – but who can maintain that on the regular? The moment will come when you have to be honest about the true you, who hates jogging and can’t tell a glass of Gaja Barbaresco from a solo cup full of Franzia.

7. Explaining your relationship history.

Oh, the horror! There’s no way to come out of this conversation sounding less crazy or biased than you really are – unless you lie about it all.

8. Realizing your partner has exes, too.

Gross. Tell me everything. Wait, no. Please don’t. Okay, now can we go back in time to when I didn’t know you dated my math tutor?
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9. The first time you introduce them as your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Go on, try to sound casual. You won’t. Everyone sees you looking at your partner for that awkward sign of acknowledgement and confirmation.

10. Being vulnerable for the first time.

You have to take the plunge – but what if that water turns out to be so, so cold?

If you are single, did you find yourself grinning and embracing the underrated comfort of living alone? If you are married, did you chuckle to yourself and thank God for the often underappreciated monotony of married life? Good – my work here is done. The next time you see a happy new couple kissing on the street, you can smile smugly to yourself knowing that number eight is coming their way.

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12 Hacks For a Better Sleep

Sleep – it’s the one thing nobody can get enough of in bed. Children, work obligations, and over-packed schedules often get us up at the crack of dawn and leave us toiling well past sundown. In fact, 40% of American adults average less than seven hours of sleep per night – an amount that is not considered to be acceptable by most medical standards. Sadly, however, many of us cannot sleep for any longer than we do. This is why the quality of our slumber is so important.
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Here are twelve tricks you can try tonight that will leave you feeling a little bit more rested in the morning:

1. Adopt a bedtime scent.

Smell can be a very effective tool in evoking positive memories and emotions. Associating a certain scent with bedtime will send your brain a strong and clear message that it is time to go to sleep. Spray some essential oil on your pillow, soak in some bath salts, or simply lotion your hands as you lay down in bed. Lavender, chamomile, jasmine, and vanilla are considered to be natural sleep aids, as most people find them to be soothing and associate them with relaxation and calm. Consider choosing one of these, or blending your two favorites.

2. Turn the page.

Reading can be a fantastic way to slow down, clear your mind of daily stresses, and relax. Good literature has the power to whisk you away to another place and time, and can be an ideal mid-point between wakefulness and slumber. Make sure you are indulging in an actual book, though – because of the light they emit, e-readers can actually have the opposite effect.

3. Create a routine.

Prepare for bed every night in the same way. For example, you might choose to shower, then put on pajamas, and finally read a chapter of a book before turning out the lights. The more times you complete this routine, the more effectively these actions will signal your brain to power down and go to sleep.
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4. Leave your worries at the door.

Too many of us are inclined to lay in our beds while we answer work emails, call a friend, or make a to-do list for the next day. Unfortunately, this weakens our mental association between our bed and sleep, and makes us more likely to stress about other areas of our life when we lay down at night. Reserve your bed for sleep and sex – anything else can be done in another room.

5. Make a playlist.

Calming music – think slow rhythms and soothing melodies – has been scientifically proven to improve both the length and depth of your sleep session. Classical music, in particular, has been shown to slow brainwaves and facilitate meditation.

6. Implement a bedtime.

It’s always tempting to stay out late on weekends, especially if you are still young and fun and not a million years old with six kids. However, doing so can wreak havoc on your internal clock. “This is so important,” says Cathy Goldstein, MD, neurologist at the Sleep Disorders Center at the University of Michigan. “If we shift our sleep and wake times later—for example, sleeping 10 p.m. to 6 a.m., during the week and 1 a.m. to 9 a.m. during the weekends—we push our internal clock later, then come Monday morning it’s like we’ve flown from California to New York over the weekend—we have social jet lag.”
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7. Embrace your dark side.

A study published in the Journal of Biological Rhythms found that not only do we sleep for longer in the winter due to decreased sunlight hours, but communities without access to artificial light tend to have longer sleeping hours year round. Take advantage of your body’s natural inclination to sleep in the dark, and invest in a set of black-out curtains. Limit screen time before bed, as well – the artificial light emanated by your television or computer could confuse your brain.

8. Relax purposefully.

Most of us understand the role that stress and anxiety play in insomnia, but do little to fight it. Make a decision to build yoga, meditation, or deep breathing into your bedtime routine. Not only will your calming ritual relax you, but the repetition of it will teach your brain to prepare for sleep when you strike your Eagle Pose.

9. Go for a morning run.

Most people sleep better after having worked out during the day. However, trying to fall asleep when you are still full of adrenaline from your spin class may not be ideal. Schedule your workout as early as possible in order to maximize its benefits to your sleep.

10. Snuggle up.

You spend about a third of your life in your bed – shouldn’t you put some effort into making it the most lush and luxurious place in your home? A fluffy comforter, a supportive mattress, and quality pillows should be among your first major purchases as an adult. They can make all the difference when it comes to getting a good night’s sleep.
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11. Stay cool.

When we sleep, our core body temperature decreases. Our environment should cool down, as well. A 2012 study confirmed that participants who slept in a warm room did not sleep as soundly as those who slept in a cooler one.

12. Or, heat things up!

For many reasons, some people fall asleep more quickly and soundly after having sex. Why not find out if you’re one of them?

Due to the fast pace of our modern lives, many of us have mistakenly come to think of sleep as a luxury. However, it is actually a vital component of a healthy life. Besides leaving us tired and cranky, sleeping too little can impair brain function, immune response, and heart health, among many other negative consequences. Try one of the tips above, and enjoy a truly restful night’s slumber. You deserve it!

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How To Increase Your Male Sexual Energy The Zen Way (And Please Your Partner!)

In todays day and age where most of us live in the fast lane, it’s difficult not to be caught up in a habit of over indulgence. Be it with money, food, drink, drugs, sex or experiences. Our relationships are more dramatic and intense and the race for sexual gratification and lots of it can become a habit.
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This is all well and good but for men, but overindulging in sexual gratification can leave them weak, listless and uninterested. There is however another way of having a deep and satisfying sexual experience without being left to feel drained and wiped out, and instead feeling clear headed, strong and masterful.

Taoists and Zen Masters have known for millennia how men can increase their own sexual energy for higher energy levels, better performance, more decisiveness and more masculinity. It’s using a technique called the The Microcosmic Orbit and basically not ejaculating.

A male friend of mine has been practising this for the last few months and he tells me that his performance in the bedroom, interest in his (now rather lucky) female partner, concentration, mood and feeling of overall general well being has improved dramatically.
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After most men ejaculate they don’t particularly feel like conquering the world, but it doesn’t always have to be that way after sex.

Taoists believe that recklessly squandering the male ejaculate through masturbation or unbridled amounts of sex can be harmful in the long term. Their belief is that the sperm containing male ejaculate takes an incredible amount of energy for the body to produce – that it is the life-force of the man and should not be squandered lightly.

There is a Zen saying; “it takes ten pieces of bread to make one drop of blood, and it takes ten drops of blood to make one drop of semen.”

Because of this Zen Masters take special efforts to conserve their semen. The well-known Zen Master Mantak Chia even went as far as to ejaculate only once for the conception of his child. Wow!

Scientific studies have also confirmed the presence of cerebrospinal fluid in semen, but it’s obvious even to a lay person that millions of exact-DNA-life-producing sperms must take considerable effort, energy and resources to produce and if that resource is continually expended the body is going to be continually using precious energy to replace it.

This is another reason why watching porn can be so damaging for some men. The endless stimulation allows men to masturbate far beyond any amount they would naturally.
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The Zen Masters practice what’s called the ‘microcosmic orbit’ essentially takes the sexual energy that ‘stagnates in the genitals’ and uses breathing to push that energy around the body. This way, the energy isn’t depleted and lost forever via ejaculation, but rather absorbed back throughout the body.

Try it for a month, whether it be through masturbation or straight forward sex. Don’t ejaculate at the end, (if with a partner you could even learn how to make her ejaculate instead.) Finish the session without ejaculating (and with a much more satisfied partner) and then do ten minutes of the microcosmic orbit and see if you feel you are ready to conquer the world.

Just to help you understand the practise a little more we have added a video demonstration by Zen Master Mantak Chia to assist you.

Try it for yourself and share your experiences with us below.

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6 Ways Heartache Pain and Loss Can Make You Better

Not long ago my Mom passed.  Unexpectedly, 2 short weeks later,  my younger brother joined her.  Bereft,  I was suddenly adrift, my moorings gone.  How to belong in a world with mother and brother sized holes?  Sleepless, I walked, and walked. Or, crashed for 8, 10, 12 hours. Grief morphed into guilt, anger, cynicism, bewilderment. Socially inept, I lay low.  In my brother’s flannel shirt, I curled under Mom’s soft brown throw and convulsed with tears.  Each salt trail marked a sacred path, a new road named “Goodbye.”
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I moved furniture, rearranged with neurotic urgency.  Change surroundings to make it less true?  Who knows.  A broken heart will eclipse reality,  trivialize every….other….thing.  I meditated anyway, vaguely mindful that “If you can sit while disturbed, you are well trained.”   I ate anyway.  Or, didn’t eat.  Like many, I’d survived the gut wrench of divorce. I’d gone through the derailment of job loss, of periodic health setbacks. Somehow though, the absence of two so beloved spun me into a new orbit. Its trajectory continues, its stardust whispers secret gifts. Here are a few:

Relationships Strengthen

  As hearts heal, they expand to deepen love for family and friends, for colleagues, teachers, neighbors. The rug’s ripped out from under and life’s random ambiguity is revealed. So too, the precious gifts of love and kindness. We make more time for each other, a very good thing.

Spirituality Grows

  God, Goddess, Great Spirit, Universal Source, whatever the useful name, affords ease from suffering. The compelling truth that none of us are ever truly alone seems to manifest. And with it, freedom from ego based distortions of guilt, anger, fear and judgement.
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Physical Health Improves

  How well we want to spend so little time on this beautiful planet prods us to eat better, exercise, and aim for restful sleep. As James Taylor sings,  “the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time”,  we slowly, naturally reset ourselves to become healthier.

Finances are organized

  We realize how much is left for others to sort once we’re gone. We write or update Wills, clear debt, establish order around our money and possessions. Life feels lighter.

Perspective Shifts

  No longer willing to attach emotional value as before, we see clearly what is worth our time and energy.  We become more empowered, liberated and authentic.  We choose to invest in our Tribe to create more memories.

Hearts Expand

  Remarkably, the other side of heartbreak is a wider capacity to love. We know a new generosity, a new compassion, an easy openness and room for others.

Never more true,  “Be aware of the place where you are brought to tears..that is where your treasure is.”- Paul Coelho,  The Alchemist

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Five Selfish Reasons to Do Good

Have you ever noticed that people who engage in volunteer work seem super happy – maybe even obnoxiously so? Well, according to science, they actually do have plenty to smile about. Doing a good deed helps not only the beneficiary, but the humanitarian as well. Here are five reasons why engaging in service work can benefit us all:
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Altruism Boosts Your Mental Health

BMC Public Health analyzed a myriad of studies and found that volunteering mitigated depression, increased life satisfaction, and had an overall positive effect on the study participants’ sense of well-being. This effect could be a culmination of the benefits listed below, or it could simply represent a mind at ease. When we help others, we become more at peace with our self-image, our world, and the role we play in our community. Volunteering gives us a sense of purpose. It would make sense that, by internalizing and validating our role as a helper, we can guard against the insidious sense of sadness that comes from feeling disconnected and incomplete.

Do-Gooders Live Longer

According to a study published in the American Journal of Public Health, helping others in a concrete way seemed to serve as a buffer in regards to the relationship between stress and mortality. Specifically, when a participant in the study helped others regularly, the stress that they felt in their daily life was less likely to lead to an early death. This was especially true when the help they provided was something tangible – for example, bringing a new mother a fresh meal to help out, or doing her dishes for her, as opposed to simply congratulating her and offering good wishes. This may be because…
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Helpers and Donors Are Less Stressed

Generous and kind people have been proven to exhibit less physical signs of stress than their stingy and selfish counterparts. In scientific studies, altruism has been shown to significantly lower blood pressure, reduce risk of hypertension, and lower cortisol levels. This effect was proven to be true not only for those who volunteered their time, but also for those who donated money. Generosity, as it turns out, may help the giver even more than the recipient.

Goodness Begets Goodness

When encouraging our children to help others, we often tell them to remember a time when somebody helped them. As it turns out, however, reminding them of their own altruistic actions might be more effective. According to a study published by the Association for Psychological Science, thinking about what we’ve given before makes us more likely to give again. Rather than counting our blessings, we should count the ways in which we have been able to bless others.
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Helpers are Happy

Most of us enjoy the warm, fuzzy feeling that overtakes us when we do something kind. Did you know, however, that psychologists have a term for this? When you help somebody, your brain’s pleasure and reward centers are activated, and endorphins are released. This is called a “helper’s high,” and it is as physical as it is emotional. You will feel more connected, satisfied, and grateful – and possibly even become addicted to the rush.

Go do something nice today. Do it for someone else, or take one of the reasons above to heart and do it for yourself. As Brian Tracy said, “Love only grows by sharing. You can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others.”

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Bald Men Are More Attractive According To Science

To the relief of my very bald husband, a recent scientific study found that hairless men are perceived to be more masculine, powerful, and dominant than their furry-headed counterparts. In his paper titled Shorn Scalps and Perceptions of Male Dominance, Albert E. Mannes of the University of Pennsylvania details three studies he conducted, all of which suggest that men with no hair may be seen as not only more powerful and influential, but also stronger, taller, and better leaders.
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Here are the questions that Mannes sought to answer, and his surprising findings:

Does a bald head convey dominance and authority?

To answer this first question, Mannes presented the study participants with a variety of photos, roughly half of which showed men who were totally bald. The rest of the pictures showed men with hair of varying lengths. When the participants rated the power, influence, and authority of these men, Mannes found the bald men to come out ahead on all three of these attributes – all of which signify dominance.

Are bald men simply more dominant people, or does their baldness itself contribute to this perception?

Because of the scientific link between male-pattern baldness and testosterone, it is reasonable to wonder if the bald men were being perceived as more powerful simply because they were, in fact, more authoritative and influential people. To examine this, Mannes showed participants photographs of men with their natural hair, as well as pictures of the same men in which their hair had been digitally removed. Interestingly, participants perceived the balded version of the man to be not only more dominant, but also an entire inch taller and thirteen percent stronger.
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Is this simply a visual phenomenon? Do we need to see the man’s bald head for this effect to hold up?

The third part of this study used written descriptions of the men rather than photographs. Surprisingly, even when participants could not see the subject, they were still inclined to rate the men who had no hair as being the strongest, most masculine, and most dominant. They also estimated them to have the highest leadership potential.
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Mannes suggests that rather than trying to combat hair loss, a man would be wise to give into it entirely. Shave your balding head, and you will be seen as the virile and powerful superhero that you always knew yourself to be. It’s a bold move, but you will be creating a more masculine and dominant image for yourself – and you may even increase your leadership potential.

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3 Steps to Form a New Habit

Despite how hard won some personal habits feel, it can be surprisingly easy to acquire new ones. First, let’s define “habit” as a behavior pattern established by frequent repetition that shows up regularly and, often, involuntarily.  We all have them, the mindless glance at a smartphone when it alerts, or turning on TV right after supper, habits we’d like to change.
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So, let’s dissect a habit. There are 3 components:  1-a “cue”, or trigger that tells your brain to go into autopilot and engage the behavior; 2– a “routine” which is the behavior itself; and 3 – the “reward”,  the reason you’re motivated and how your brain encodes the behavior. Let’s call that the “cookie”. There’s a cookie in every habit that will trigger the brain to crave it.  For grins, here’s a fun graphic.

And to be clear, we’re not talking pathology. If a habit you’d like to change includes drug, alcohol, sex, gambling, or myriad other addictions, you’re wise to seek professional help. That also goes for stalking your ex, shoplifting, and, well, you get the gist. Let’s look at new habits to improve your life.  

Despite the fact that new habits take time to form and imprint, these three steps will work to effect the change you desire now.
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Just for Today

 Every journey begins with a single step. Commit to short term goals. For example, to build exercise into your life, “just for today” walk or jog for 15 minutes before breakfast. This process keeps expectations manageable, and if a day is missed, it’s easier to get back on track. This also habituates small successes.   

Piggyback an existing habit

 When you practice a new behavior right after an existing habit you strengthen it by virtue of association.  Commit to jog or walk immediately after you meditate, or, brush your teeth. Tug on your running shoes mindful of the ease of your new habit.

Celebrate Yourself

 Self-talk is powerful. We truly do become what we think about, how we see ourselves, and what we tell ourselves. So congratulate yourself, aloud or silently, “Atta girl!” “Way to go!” “Look at you!”  We’re far more likely to create repetition, form new habits, when we validate our joy and success.
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This simple process makes no room for judgement or harsh self-criticism or daunting goals. Rather, it’s anchored in reality. Today is the only “place” or experience that’s real. Yesterday’s history, tomorrow’s a mystery, but today is brand new. Today offers limitless possibilities. Why not choose one small new way to live it well?

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Do Nothing Today, Here’s Why

Most of us live incredibly cluttered and fast-paced lives, driven by the need to be productive, accomplished, and forever moving forward. What would happen, though, if we decided to take a time-out? Many of us get anxiety just thinking about it – the prospect of falling behind, slowing down, or even failing. However, taking a break might, in actuality, help you to come back stronger and sharper than ever before. Alan Cohen once said “There is virtue in work and there is virtue in rest. Use both and overlook neither.” Most of us can accept the wisdom in these words, but are we brave enough to put them into practice?
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Even those of us who do take vacations nearly always fail to completely disconnect from our work lives. We bring our cell phones and laptops in our carry-on bags, answer work emails, and arrange our schedules from afar. This has become not only the norm, but, in many industries, a fairly standard expectation. According to a study by consulting firm Randstad, 42% of employees reported feeling obligated to check their email during vacation, while 26% feel guilty even using all of their vacation time. These numbers become even more disheartening when broken down by age group. Forty percent of millennial employees reported feeling guilty about using their vacation time, compared to 18% of baby boomers – suggesting that this is a growing workplace mentality, rather than a fading one.

It is no surprise, then, that stress and employee burnout are major concerns in today’s workforce. A recent survey of IT administrators by Opinion Matters revealed that 72% of respondents were stressed, 67% considered switching careers, 85% said their job intruded on their personal life, and 42% lost sleep over work. While this study was specific to one job title, its findings seem to represent an atmosphere prevalent through much of America in these uncertain economic times. “The business climate has become so fiery and competitive that leaders are focused on competition and getting the most out of their people. Everyone’s working to their max,” explains John Izzo, author of Values-Shift: The New Work Ethic and What It Means for Business.
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Although a completely off-the-grid vacation sounds like the obvious solution to employee burnout, it is rarely an option for today’s worker. However, if we make it a priority, most Americans are capable of finding a thirty minute stretch of time during the day in which we can totally disengage from the world around us. Block it off on your calendar, or schedule it for a time when you are not on the clock. Turn off the TV, your phone, and any screen through which your work life and its accompanying stresses can access you. You don’t have to sit in silence or meditate when you do this – just do whatever you find relaxing. I often choose a hot bubble bath, while my husband opts for a long run. Anything works if it clears your mind and relaxes your soul. You need it, you’ve earned it, and it will ultimately make you a better worker.

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8 True Traits of a Strong Mom

We’re not talking “Tiger Mom” here, where intense focus is directed at excellence in child performance. Rather, what signs indicate maternal prowess that is, simply put, strong?
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I confess to bias.  I think  more often than not, “strong Mom” or “strong woman” is, well,  redundant. Still, I’m curious to discover common behaviors that inform parenting rich with core values. Some maternal influence that cultivates character. So let’s call them  instead, “ mindful Moms”,  present,  far from perfect,  compelled by Mama Love.

1. Mindful Moms have confidence in themselves,

and naturally encourage the unique individual within each child. They resist the urge to mold them to their own expectations or desires. They instill the critical value of honesty.

2 Strongpathy is taught through daily practice of kind and humanistic acts.

 Present Moms understand we are all interconnected and instill the value of compassion.
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3. Connection to community cultivates values of altruism, and enhanced individual health.

 A mindful  Mom prioritizes family gatherings, neighborhood events and broader social activities.  

4. Respect is underscored when a mindful Mom insists on healthy personal boundaries.

 She is not intrusive, impulsively driven by her own agenda. She requires her children to communicate needs and respect the needs of others. “The Golden Rule” is a common reference.

5. When life hands out lemons, engaged Moms make lemonade.

Adversity is transcended with optimism, acceptance and gratitude.

6. Secure Moms teach critical thinking.

They practice non-interference and advocate the need to see situations from all sides before creating conclusions. Emotional intelligence and diplomacy enhance their children’s development.

7. Self esteem results from conscious Moms who assign chores.

They equate personal responsibility with self worth. Freedom of choice and true independence is a consequence of personal discipline.
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8. Finally, alert Moms stress the value of education through the power of literacy.

 They role model the joy of learning, the limitless “something new” to try, practice, explore.  Their children benefit from appreciation for diversity and innate joie de vie.  

At the end of the day, isn’t that what we really want? We want our children to be happy, to live happy, gratifying lives, and to aspire to leave the world a smidge better place…for their children…and their children…..and so on.

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Wine Ice Cream Really Exists! (Recipe Included)

It’s official, it exists! Wine Ice-cream. A combination almost every woman dreams of. No need to take a tub of ice-cream and a glass of wine into the bathroom any more for ‘me’ time! This little mood lifter is now combined into one delicious ice-cold snack! I, for one am super delighted.
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American food producer The Crossroad Company have developed Winecream – wine ice cream. It combines the best of two worlds: super-premium, naturally sourced gourmet ice cream and craft-made fruit wines. The results are delicious, boozy frozen desserts to help melt your worries away.

It’s not the first Winecream to hit the market, Mercer’s Wine Ice Cream, made in New York was released in American shops in 2014, and featured different grape varietals as well is being available in flavours like chocolate cabernet, red raspberry chardonnay, riesling and cherry merlot. How did I not know about this already?

The 5% alcoholic treats are strictly for adults. Have fun telling that to a three year old who starts hounding you the minute they spy the tub in the freezer! But carefully disguised in a brown paper bag, I think you can sneak this little beauty into your room for a late night session with ease.

It’s only sold online and in the States right now, but don’t despair as we have come up with a couple of sneaky recipes you can make easily at home, so enjoy and cheers!

Sweet Fruit Wine Ice-Cream

Ingredients:

150ml sweet white wine, such as Orange Muscat and Flora
3 rounded tbsp caster sugar
284ml carton double cream
summer fruits to serve, such as blackberries
raspberries and redcurrants

Method:

Tip the wine and sugar into a bowl and whisk together. Gradually whisk in the cream until it starts to thicken and just hold its shape.
Pour into a rigid container and freeze until firm, about 3-4 hours. Serve in scoops with seasonal summer fruits splashed with a little more sweet wine, (and a little more for good measure).

Dessert Wine Ice Cream (with machine)

Ingredients:

200g sugar

1.1 litres double cream

Pinch of salt

170ml dessert wine

Method

Warm the sugar, cream, and salt in a saucepan over medium heat, stirring occasionally until bubbles form around the edges or until it reaches about 170 degrees.

Let the cream mixture cool for a bit and then add the ice wine. Cover the mixture and let chill overnight. Then freeze the mixture in an ice cream machine according to the manufacturer’s instructions. Don’t forget to add more wine if you fancy it!

Have a taste and then some more, then leave some comments as to your opinion of wine cream! Please!

The post Wine Ice Cream Really Exists! (Recipe Included) appeared first on I Heart Intelligence.

The FDA Just Approved This Horrific Weight-Loss Device

The weight-loss device, AspireAssist, was approved by the FDA last week, and has left more than a few doctors feeling appalled.
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If you haven’t heard of AspireAssist, you might be wondering what the big deal is. What could possibly be upsetting enough to get nearly 1,000 doctors together with a unified purpose of suing the FDA?  The group of 750 doctors, coordinated by Joseph Gutman, an endocrinologist and diabetologist in Pembroke Pines, Florida, want the FDA to take the device off the market. According to these doctors, the device is dangerous- for both mental and physical reasons.

AspireAssist is a weight-loss device unlike any other, and at first glance, it seems to merely be ‘mechanized bulimia.’ The FDA press release describes the process as such: “To place the device, surgeons insert a tube in the stomach with an endoscope via a small incision in the abdomen. A disk-shaped port valve that lies outside the body, flush against the skin of the abdomen, is connected to the tube and remains in place. Approximately 20 to 30 minutes after meal consumption, the patient attaches the device’s external connector and tubing to the port valve, opens the valve and drains the contents. Once opened, it takes approximately five to 10 minutes to drain food matter through the tube and into the toilet. The device removes approximately 30 percent of the calories consumed.”

That’s right, the AspireAssist’s purpose is to remove food you have already consumed via an alternative route to the natural exit port our bodies are equipped with. Bulimia is simply too messy, and can cause catastrophic damage to your teeth and gums. Might as well have an eating disorder the “correct” way- the way in which the FDA can profit.

Joseph Gutman told The Verge, “This is the first time that I looked at a device that was approved by the FDA and I am absolutely, utterly, and totally appalled that it was approved. It is the most pathetic exhibition of ignorance on the part of our agency, the FDA. It is nothing but a bad trick. It’s like a bad joke.”

“Instead of throwing up through the throat, you throw up through the tube,” Gutman says. “This is mechanized bulimia. It’s a device that makes bulimia okay.”

It’s easy to see why Gutman is concerned. Besides the obvious implications of contributing to a bigger problem, the device has several physical side effects, including death. Merely having the gastric tube implanted can cause “sore throat, pain, abdominal bloating, indigestion, bleeding, infection, nausea, vomiting, sedation-related breathing problems, inflammation of the lining of the abdomen, sores on the inside of the stomach, pneumonia, unintended puncture of the stomach or intestinal wall and death.” The abdominal opening, or port valve, has it’s fair share of horrible risks as well, as does having the port valve removed. Persistent fistula, an abnormal passageway between the stomach and the abdominal wall is just one of those risks.

After only a year of testing AspireAssist with a small clinical trial  of 111 participants, the FDA determined the device to be safe, causing the experts to worry about unknown long-term effects. “There’s no scientific basis in the long term as to what this does,” Gutman says. “The studies are incomplete.”

The company that developed AspireAssist, Aspire Bariatrics, says the device must be accompanied with healthy lifestyle choices in order to properly work. The ‘lifestyle program’ they implement in a mandatory fashion requires that one chews their food 55-75 times before swallowing. They believe this leads to an effect of feeling fuller, sooner, and with less food. In fact, the company says the device won’t contribute to eating disorders because of this one aspect.

Doctors like Gutman are not so easily convinced. “I think that the logic of the device is insane. I don’t think it makes any medical or physiologic sense,” he says. “It’s crazier than Trump for president.”

The FDA, and the companies they approve, make their profit from illnesses- not cures. Eating healthier foods, doing moderate exercise, and yes, even chewing your food more, will help you lose weight. It won’t happen overnight, but nothing worthwhile ever happened instantly.

Currently, there are over 79 million Americans suffering from obesity, so it’s easy to see how something like this could get approved as a ‘medical device.’ Just for a moment though, can we be honest about this whole thing?

We, as a society, have an image problem. We focus more on being thin than we do on being healthy. We want to be liked and loved for who we are, yet we believe our outward appearance reigns supreme overall. We are constant contradictions who lack convictions; following matchstick gods until they burn us all with their flames.

*This piece was written by Raven Fon and does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and beliefs of I Heart Intelligence, or any member of the I Heart Intelligence staff.*

Image courtesy: Aspire Bariatrics

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Why Being With An Alpha Female Is The Best Relationship You Could Have

Describing the alpha female is not an easy task.  However, defining the many ways she will enhance your relationship is a piece of cake.
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When you meet an alpha female, you know it. You feel it. She has an air of confidence about her, complimented by her independence and intuition. While some might call her “bossy,” she is actually self-assured. She goes after what she wants, takes what she needs, and leaves everything else that doesn’t serve her. It is her strength and character that make her the best all-or-nothing partner you could ask for.

Let’s be clear about one thing: she is not your saviour, or your mother. It’s true that pretty much all of us bring some unwanted baggage into relationships, but the alpha female isn’t going to solve your problems for you. Instead, her unwillingness to participate in anyone’s drama (including yours) will help you to blaze your own trails, and find your own answers.
Why are Most Men Scared Of Smart Women

An Alpha female will challenge you in more ways than one. Primarily, she will challenge you to challenge yourself, she won’t accept your excuses, and she doesn’t stand for self-sabotage.  It is because of these things she doesn’t allow, which will inspire you to be a better version of yourself.

Avoiding mind games and manipulation, the alpha female knows where to focus her energy- and it isn’t on trivial insecurities.  She doesn’t want to control or change you; she has already seen the strength within you and will help you remember it when needed. Keep in mind, she needs an equally steadfast partner who will hold her accountable when she needs it too.

Strong women like this don’t fall for underhanded behaviour. Passive aggressive speaking, dishonesty, and general mind-f*ckery won’t be tolerated. Self-respect is imperative. They want (and deserve) a relationship where both partners can lift each other up during their times of weakness.
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If she trusts you enough to let down her walls, and bring you into her world, then she knows you are strong enough to handle what you might find there. She is a realist, and will “tell it like it is.” Remember, she knows you can handle her exactly as she is, and she will undoubtedly return the favour.

Alpha females usually get a bad rap. Considered “bitchy” or “pushy”, they aren’t seen as fun-loving and friendly as their Beta or Omega counterparts, which is inaccurate. It is a new breed of woman- an empowered, intelligent, self-assured woman- the alpha female.

By Raven Fon

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The World’s First Hydrogen-Cell Fueled Car Is Here

Have you heard of the newest invention from Toyota, called the Mirai? Meaning “future” in Japanese, it is the world’s first hydrogen-cell fueled vehicle available for public purchase.
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According to chief engineer Yoshikazu Tanaka, the Mirai is an innovation “even greater than that of the first-generation Prius.”  What exactly is he talking about? Let’s find out.

A new 4-door sedan is available on the market, and it is powered by electricity- but that’s not all.  An elemental reaction between hydrogen and oxygen takes place within a fuel stack, thus generating the electricity.  That’s not the only eco-friendly feature though. Condensed water is the only exhaust this vehicle leaves behind, and guess what? Toyota says that this residual water is perfectly safe to drink! They’ve been working on this technology since 1992, and after investing 5680 patents into the design, Toyota has finally found a way to bring it into use on a mass scale.

By the end of this year, 200 Mirais will be delivered to proud new owners in California, which is currently the only state to have them available. Maybe this is due to the expensive infrastructure required to refuel this revolutionary vehicle. Instead of the 10,000+ easily found gas stations in California, there are less than 30 refueling stations available for Mirai owners to top off.

Refueling the tank is a bit different than filling up a typical vehicle. First, hydrogen gets delivered to the tank at 10,000psi through a rather intricate filling system. After about 5 minutes, the tank will be completely full. Once full, which will run you close to $10,  you can expect to get around 300 miles before your next refueling.
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Speed-enthusiasts might not consider the Mirai to be their first choice, considering it does 0-60 in 9.4 seconds. However, what it lacks in racing capabilities, it makes up for in comfort and design. Even the roughly surfaced streets of L.A. do not pose a problem to this vehicle;  the 17″ tires along with a nicely-tuned suspension allow for a very smooth ride.

Comfortable seating is standard in every Mirai, thanks to Toyota’s “form in place” innovation.  Basically, urethane foam is injected into the seat mold,  and offers ergonomic comfort and lumbar support.

Finally, there is a 4.2″ touch-screen LCD display for all of the necessary controls, which also shows warning messages should there be any faults.

Currently, the Toyota Mirai is going for around $57,500, which is a little steeper than most people are willing to pay for an eco-friendly car. Perhaps this car is ahead of it’s time, but it is called “the future.”

More information, including the science behind the fuel cell technology, can be found on Toyota’s website.

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4 Phrases to Empower Your Child

Although it may not always seem like it, your children really do listen to you. They soak up your every word, even when you do not think they are paying attention. Most of us use this knowledge in order to limit the bad things they hear. It only takes one swear word or snippet of gossip being repeated to a preschool teacher for us to learn that lesson. We will go to great lengths not to allow our words to pollute our children’s minds, and would certainly never use language that would tear them down. How often, however, are we conscious of using our words to build them up?
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Here are four ways to do just that:

“It’s disappointing to get a lower grade than usual, but it was only one spelling test. Let’s have an extra study session before the next one to make sure we do better.”

Unfortunately, your child is bound to experience some sort of failure in his life. Help him to keep his mistake in perspective when he does. Habits begin to form shockingly early, and can be difficult to break – so now is the time to teach healthy ways to cope with disappointment. Validate his feelings – he knows he messed up, and pretending that he didn’t will only confuse him and make him less likely to trust your words. Keep him from beating himself up by reminding him that his setback is only temporary, and was only a singular event. His failed spelling test does not actually condemn him to a life of illiteracy. Finally, set a game plan to get him back on track. Hopefully this will become a habit, and his adult failures will be stepping stones rather than stopping points.

“I saw you help that little kid who wanted to play with you. You were so patient and kind.”

Children are tactile, concrete creatures, so many can have a hard time taking a compliment to heart when it is abstract. If you give her an example, however, she is more likely to understand and value the trait you are praising, and to repeat the same behavior later. Telling your daughter that she is smart is a wonderful thing. Noticing that she read an entire chapter book, however, can be much more effective.
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“What can you do to make it easier to remember your jacket tomorrow?

When your child makes the same mistakes over and over, it is easy to become frustrated. However, conveying this to your child by threatening a punishment or asking how they could be so forgetful will only add anxiety and shame to the problem. By asking what she can do differently and helping her to implement a solution, you are giving her a chance to solve her own problem. Instead of shaming her, you are helping her develop problem-solving skills. By re-framing the situation, you are changing her role from being the problem to being the problem-solver. Instead of feeling like a trouble-maker, she will feel clever and independent. Her first idea may not work out, but this is a good opportunity to build resilience – keep plugging away at the problem and she will feel even more accomplished when she finally conquers it.

“Jack is doing such a good job sharing with his friends lately. We’re so proud!”

All too often, we seem to think our child’s ears turn off when we are talking to another parent. Rather, what he hears you say about him to another adult can have a tremendous impact. When you compliment your child, he may resist believing it, thinking that you are just trying to make him feel good. What he hears you say to another adult, however, has a greater weight. He is more likely to take the compliment to heart and trust it to be true. Think of the way this would work in your own life. If your friend Willa told you your new haircut looked fantastic, you might be flattered – but if you overheard her saying the same to her sister, you would feel even more so.
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We all think our children are the greatest little people in the world, and most of us try to tell them so regularly. Use one of these methods to ensure that the compliments you give the child in your life hit her deeply and have staying power. You’ll be glad you did this when you meet the capable and secure young woman she will someday become.

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15 Things To Remember When Loving Someone With Depression

There are more than 350 Million people in the world who currently suffer from depression. With such a huge statistic its virtually impossible for anyone not to interact with someone suffering from a bout of depression at some point in their lives.
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Often it is the people you least expect to be suffering from depression and those closest to you who may be concealing it well. It could be your friends, family, co-workers, partner or neighbour fighting this often debilitating illness.

One of the most challenging aspects of dealing with depression is the stigma and negative criticism that comes from others. Often people may not even know that their comments are being negative or hurtful and sometimes even make the depression feel worse.

So with this in mind here are some simple thing to remember when interacting with someone you love who is fighting depression.

1-They are strong in character

A person experiencing depression works hard to make sense of life and trying to achieve more, fix more and improve. Moreover,it takes immense will and transparency to acknowledge the presence of depression, but it also pushes people to create answers in the darkest moments in life. They fight to deal and overcome it, this takes strength or character and incredible resolve.

2-They love it when you reach out to them unexpectedly

Many people think that when someone is dealing with a bout of depression they want to be left alone. Although that could seem true at times, it is a dose of healthy social medicine when a friend, a loved one, or a neighbour drops by to say ‘hello’. One of the roots of depression in our society is the lack of social relationships in our communities and even in our families. It is very difficult to keep on top with the constant dose of emptiness and disconnection in our everyday interactions due to overworking, television and technology. People managing depression need more company, more friends, more people reaching out to them, and more people wanting to spend time with them, not the opposite.

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” Mother Teresa

3-They do not want to burden anyone.

Depression can make someone feel as if they’re a burden to the world, especially to those around them. Only a depressed individual understands how hard it is to hide their feelings and thoughts from others to avoid being shamed.

The weight that depression can bring upon a person is enough to bury them for a day – the burying of those around them is not on the to-do and so individuals fighting depression may push to be alone because they do not want to impact anyone negatively.
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If they upset you, instead of reacting to them, tell your depressed loved one that you accept them fully, unconditionally, and remind them of any and all positive traits you love about them.

4-They like opportunities for fun and laughter

What’s the opposite of depression? Hilarity! It is a proven scientific phenomenon that laughter is good for the soul and the mind. Depressed individuals function the same way; laughter is truly medicine for the soul. You can’t hurt your depressed loved ones or friends with your humor and laughter (as long as it isn’t at their expense of course). Laugh and the world laughs with you.

5-They are sensitive to other people’s feelings and actions

Depressed individuals care – and they care a lot. They care about how you feel, how you see them, how you see yourself and what others need. It may be that they care too much! Some of the most caring people I have ever met are people that suffer from some sort of depression. Let them know what you need and what you do not need but don’t forget to set clear healthy boundaries as well.

6-They should be treated respectfully

There is a negative stigma attached to dealing with depression. And, it’s not the depressed individual doing the stigmatization. It is society. I cannot repeat this enough – reducing the stigmatization will help alleviate the societal effects of depression. Respect involves seeing beyond the depressed individual and seeing the whole person.

7-They should be treated like anyone else

No need for eggshells, or tiptoes. Go about your business and assume your depressed loved one is 100% healthy. Sometimes just living a routine, but a predictable, purposeful routine, can bring such a boost and be a remedy for depression.
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8-They are fully capable of giving and receiving love

Every human being on Earth is capable of giving and receiving love. And, you guessed it! Your depressed loved ones are no different. Give, and you shall receive. It does not matter that someone is fighting depression, the quality and ability of love does not change. It is still there! Reach out for it, but also give it yourself. You’ll find much more love than you thought was there.

9-They do not plan on losing the fight against depression

The fight against depression may be life-long, or it may last a moment. Regardless, the fight is one that must be won. The question always is: when will this depression leave and how can I speed this up a bit? The plan is to win against depression. The plan is not to lose and live in self-pity. Of utmost importance is to remember that depression is treatable and there are many, many resources to help someone do so. One of the first steps in fighting depression is to acknowledge its presence. In acknowledging its presence, you can begin to treat it.

10-They may feel sad for no apparent reason, so just be with them

Just like the fog invades the meadow, which eventually ruins your morning drive to work, depression can sneak up on its victims. Moods can be volatile and unpredictable. It is not something that is easily controlled by a switch. Your loved ones are trying very, very hard to be happy, pleasant and engaging, but what they need is simple.

They need you to just be there. Simply sit with them and read a book together, watch a comedy together, or take a trip to the local coffee shop and have a cup together. No psychologist is needed here, only your presence and acceptance. Let the fog fade away as the morning sun rises and welcomes in a new day.
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11-They may not have as much energy as they would like to have

One of the symptoms of depression is fatigue or lack of energy. One of the most helpful antidepressants that has been proven by research is exercise. I realise that maybe you have heard of this recommendation before, but let me be a little more specific. The type and duration of exercise can vary, but the minimum that could have an effect is to do fast walking at least three times a week for 30 minutes each time. That is the amount of exercise someone needs in order to feel an anti-depressive effect.

Isn’t that convenient? So, if the sun is out and the breeze is whispering for you to come out and play, invite your loved one out for a walk. They may not see an immediate effect, or they actually may! Either way, exercising in this way is increasing their chances of beating depression and increasing their energy levels.

12-They may seem irritable at times – do not take it personally

Irritability is another symptom of depression. Although there is no excuse for treating people disrespectfully, it is important to let any friction with a depressed individual to slide off your back. On the other hand, it is acceptable and important to set expectations and even boundaries with a depressed individual. An expectation is a minimum standard that you expect of someone. A boundary can also be thought of as an expectation that is set in order to keep a harmonious relationship.

13-They do not want to hear “shoulds”

As in, “you should go out more with your friends.” If there is a kryptonite for depressed individuals, it is this one – the “shoulds”. Depressed individuals already have a deep and ingrained habit of “shoulding” themselves to the limit.

Not only does this set up a relationship of condescension, it assumes that the depressed individual does not have a mind or a will of his or her own. The bottom line is that it feels like the person making those statements is being the parent. A depressed loved one does not need a parent telling them what they “should” do. Instead, a depressed loved one should be asked as many open-ended questions as possible. This will help the depressed individual think through their options, consider alternatives, explore ideas, expand their abilities and so on and so on. “Shoulding” is only going to put up a wall and nothing will get accomplished in this way.

14-They need lots of family support and encouragement

This one is a must. It is not true that family makes depression worse, or that it doesn’t help. In fact, there are treatment models for depression that involve family or a marital partner. And while it is probably that depression can make a relationship suffer, there is also a great power in utilizing a relationship as a tool for helping depressed individuals learn about themselves.

One of the best ways to make a difference in a depressed person’s life is to let them know you are there for them. It is something that must not be simply assumed. It is something that has to be communicated directly, face to face.

15- They are not “broken” or “defective”

The human body is a complex machine. It is the oldest organism on Earth and we still do not know how to fully prevent it from breaking down. Still more complex though is the human brain and it’s many structures and functions. Although the cause of some forms of depression are not fully known or understood, many of us make the assumption that a depressed individual is defective, or flawed. The quality of the person is not correlated with the diagnosis of depression. Much like having a big chin, being overweight, or having a lisp is a characteristic without a given or specific cause, depression can come about in a person’s life for many reasons. It is not indicative of a broken or defective person.

The most helpful thing you can do is continue to value the depressed individual and continue to see them as whole, strong, and valuable.

Do you or someone you love suffer from depression? What advice would you offer to assist loving someone who has depression? Please comment below…

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Why are Most Men Scared Of Smart Women

Well, a recent study validates what many of us experience. Men are often seriously threatened by intelligent women. Though the study only included 105 men, researchers determined an interesting dynamic.  When the men were posed with hypothetical scenarios, they expressed an attraction for smart women.  However, when told they would meet in person, they shifted those opinions, finding their partners physically and emotionally unattractive. They even distanced their chairs!  The scientists tentatively concluded that men feel a threat to their masculinity.
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So ladies, if you’re thinking “tell me something I don’t know,”  you’ve had more than your share of  “come hither…no…keep away” dates. Our romantic discrimination occurs if we’re smart, of course, but also if we’re tall (over 5’10” to be exact), financially independent, self-assured, capable and/or assertive.  Ah, and  if we’re beautiful, which is to say, if we’re ourselves. What’s a girl to do?  Well, at the very least, know the signs.

He’s intimidated if he looks away, (stealing a glance when he thinks you won’t see), turns away or grows quiet. And, there were many flirtations, but his behavior changes in person. Ultimately, he won’t follow through, won’t return emails, and is likely to vanish from the radar.  You want closure. You want to wrap it up and put a bow on it. Well, take that pretty little bow and put it on your own pretty head. It’s enough to understand and simply let go. There’s no problem to solve and here’s why.
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Psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo suggests that men who are intimidated, instead, learn to appreciate a woman’s strengths and stop comparing themselves to her. She further suggests that men realize the issue is with their own self-esteem, not the fact a woman is smart, tall, beautiful, self-assured, and so on. 

Basically, we aren’t here to fix each other. The challenge is compassion. Adjourn from the situation and all expectations. Move forward in your own inimitable grace, and wish him well. Whether the failed date is because his masculinity feels threatened or he fears eventual rejection, let’s not get bogged down by analysis paralysis.  It’s a big ocean. This is the fish you throw back. Why? Because true substance within each of our hearts is marked by acceptance, openness, curiosity, respect, kindness and a loving, generous spirit.

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How Smart are You?

What Is Your Emotional Type?

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Are you relationship ready?

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Quizz: Are you an Introvert or an Extrovert?

3 Reasons to Laugh Through Your Next Fight

“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.” Audrey Hepburn was on to something. Laughter is an extraordinarily powerful force in our lives. It refreshes us physically and mentally, while brightening our mood and engaging us with our inner child. Did you know, however, that laughter can also improve our relationships? Laughter connects us with one another in an intimate way, and can be used to build a strong connection and to help that bond to last through even the roughest of patches.
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Here are three reasons you should use laughter to resolve your next conflict:

Laughter Gives You a Shared Joke

This, and the rest of the advice outlined here, will only work if you are both in on the joke. Using snide or sarcastic humor with the intent of undermining your partner will only push you farther apart and damage the relationship. Similarly, a joke that your partner does not understand or appreciate will only make them feel more out of sync with you. A sincerely shared and mutually enjoyed moment of humor, however, can become a running inside joke in your relationship. For example, one couple we know, when running late, declares “sorry, we hit a bear,” and then dissolves into giggles. Although nobody else gets their joke, which has to do with a silly excuse he made up when he was late meeting her parents for the first time, these two think this line is just the height of comedy. The fact that nobody else even gets it is actually kind of great – it puts them into their own little intimate and joyful world and gives them a moment just to themselves. This kind of humor will strengthen your bond, and may one day become a treasured memory.
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Laughter Ends the Power Struggle.

Laughing with someone can diffuse tension, allow you to reconnect, and give you a moment unfocused on your argument in which to regain perspective. This can help you to re-frame your disagreement as the silly spat that it is, rather than a heated and important battle for superiority and dominance. This will strengthen your bond and allow you both to loosen the grip on your stance. You will end the giggle session more strongly connected, less entrenched in your point of view, and ready to solve the fight from a new angle – after all, laughter is known to increase your capacity for creative problem solving.

Humor Can Help You Express Difficult Emotions

George Bernard Shaw once said “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.” Some of us have trouble being vulnerable, and using laughter can help to explain a tricky feeling to your significant other. There is a delicate line between using humor to access an emotion and using humor to hide it, so be careful that you are doing the former and not the latter. Using a joke to hide an emotion will undermine your feelings and disconnect you from your partner. Using it to make an emotion more easily communicated, however, can diffuse the tension and endear you to your significant other. For example, consider a woman who is jealous of the attention her husband is getting from an attractive co-worker. “Oh, yeah, I’m so jealous,” with an eye roll, would not help to resolve the situation. It would shut down the conversation and turn the tone to a contentious one. “I just worry about other women eyeing those rock-hard abs,” however, addresses the topic in a less intimidating and more playful way.

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning do to do afterward.” Kurt Vonnegut understood the power as laughter as it relates to the emotions we fear most in a fight. The next time you find yourself on the verge of tears when arguing with your partner, take a cue from Vonnegut and make your significant other giggle instead. It will save the moment, and possibly even your relationship.

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What is Habitual Lateness and How to Cure It

15 Ways You Might Be Limiting Yourself

Life is inherently unfair, and we all have diverse and monumental struggles to overcome. Why, though, do some never make it past their obstacles while others seem to use them as stepping stones? The answer may be in the ways that some people unintentionally limit themselves. The obstacles you face are only as large as you make them. Will your struggles make success more difficult? Without a doubt – but they seldom make it impossible for you to achieve something amazing.
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Here are fifteen ways that you might be accidentally limiting yourself:

-You allow someone else to determine your priorities.

-You’re not sure where to start, so you never do. Any step in the right direction – taking a class, buying a ring, or writing a resume – is a good one. If you don’t know which direction to go, your first step should be inward to find out.

-You focus time and energy on hiding your weaknesses rather than improving upon them.

-You don’t fully capitalize on your strengths.

-You decide you are too far behind to succeed. Everyone has a starting point, and Plato once said “Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow.” You may not be where you want to be, but you’ll never get there if you stand still.
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-You underestimate your ability to master a new skill.

-You allow others to determine your worth.

-You let other people determine your talents, and abandon pursuits you are passionate about because others don’t encourage them.

-You think it is too late for you to succeed – it is never too late to follow a dream.

-You don’t take the time to determine what you really want out of life. A solid vision for your life will give you inspiration and direction.

-You blame someone else for your circumstances. Although another person or life situation may have put you at a disadvantage, only you are responsible for overcoming that obstacle. You are also the only one capable of doing so.

-You change your own aspirations to align with what you feel is expected of you, rather than pursuing your true passions.
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-You believe you are powerless to change. Anyone can improve their life with hard work.

-You settle for less than you know you deserve.

-You are working towards another person’s dreams and goals – be it a parent, a spouse, or an employer – at the expense of your own aspirations.

You, and only you, are in control of your thoughts, your time, your actions, and ultimately your future. You can change your life’s direction at a moment’s notice. It may take hard work and sacrifice, but anything is possible if you refuse to limit your capacity for achievement.

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